Sunday, February 22

Great Days

This basically encapsulates that part of my life when I was the world could be whatever I wanted it to be, summer was hot and sweaty, and I was young and free. I'd just left school, exam results weren't in yet so the near future wasn't really defined and I was in full swing of 9-ish weeks off before college started.

This is my defining memory of that summer. Supergrass sweating their way through 'She's So Loose' at Glastonbury, when Britpop was still on the up. It makes me go all tingly inside.

Hippo Bathday!

It's Mikey's birthday! He's 26 today!

However, all is not sweetness and light. His wisdom teeth have decided to impact against his other teeth, which in hindsight doesn't seem very wise at all. He's fighting back though, with his strict Bonjela/Fosters/maltesers diet.

Get well soon!

Friday, February 20


KG (remember him?) messaged me on Facebook, with news of a cricket high score on this. I told him I had 250+ compared with his 150-odd. He instantly went offline. So, er, have a bash, watch your googlies and try not to clip your stump with your ball. 250 to beat. GO!

Then, once your patience has been exhausted, go here and play this. Track and Field for autistics, basically. No high scores, just actually getting anywhere will command the utmost respect.

Monday, February 16

Well Held Son!

Of course, if he touches his foot outside the rope with ball in hand it's a six.

The Beatles

Great list of Beatles tunes and a bloke has ranked them from the worst to the his opinion. I disagree with pretty much all of the first page. Especially Honey Pie second bottom - what the hell!?


Mass Debate: Best Player Ever

Inspired by the BBC's Tim Vickery posting on the BBC Football blog.


Who's yours?

My pick is coming soon.

The Office: USA Style

Excellent stuff.

Sunday, February 15

FAO: The Mother-in-law

Wednesday, February 11

A Day in Manchester - Part 1

Keith: "Mikey?"

Me: "Yeah?"

Keith: "Away, we're out the front in the taxi!"

Not only was it 15 minutes early with an over eager Rob and Keith awaiting my arrival, I was mid teeth cleaning and this was 6.45am. I haven't seen 6.45am for a long long time. So, no time for breakfast either which meant starting the day with a bag of Salt and Vinegar crisps, a Yorkie and a Capri Sun bought at the station....healthier than usual I suppose!! We picked up Chris and the four of us arrived at Middlesbrough station in plenty of time.

The train arrived on time and "Pssst!", the first cans of the day were opened. Lager at this time of the day is bad news and not highly recommended. Gets you going though and in the mood.

It was an epic train journey with a lot of very quiet passengers all disbelieving the early start and a fair few fellow Boro fans enjoying their first beers of the day. 

Now Rob also bought a Yorkie, which went walkabout when he went for a piss. "Enjoy your Yorkie Rob?" Winding up Rob had started!!

He eventually found it though and saved a piece to send off in the free post envelop for Pabo, the sexy underwear company! He carried this right up until we got on the tram in Manchester.

Some weird people get on trains, and not just us, a couple got on at, I think, Northallerton. For a good ten minutes they traipsed up and down each carriage looking for their seats, which they did, at one point, find and sit in. They then got out of them and carried on traipsing up and down again before coming back and sitting in the same seats! 

The funniest moment though, had to be poor Rob, dazed and confused from his missing Yorkie, trying to down his can of Fosters without it actually being open!

We arrived in Manchester just before 10am, and navigated our way to the tram/metro stop confident that we were in the right spot for the tram to Shudehill/Printworks. 

Now on the tram is a circular hingeto allow the tram to bend or, as we rechristened it, the revolving dance floor! I set off with some Travolta-like moves before cracking my head off the iron rail above my head that I hadn't noticed!! It hurt actually.

Lloyds was the destination and as we arrived, the barman was literally unbolting the front door. Perfect timing.

Pints all round, a go on the fruity and then as we sat down in the corner poor Rob ripped his jeans on a protruding screw on his chair!! 

Hunger set in after our journey breakfasts were ordered. I went for a customised breakfast sandwich with an egg swapped for sausage. The french bloke, Frank Quedrue-esque, reckoned the chef couldn't manage this so I went for one baguette of sausage and one for bacon. This only got funny when the waiter arrived with our grub.

"Sausage baguette?"

Me: "Yep."

"And a bacon baguette?"

Me: "Yep".

Keith: "Fucking hell Mikey, you fat cunt!"

Me: "Speak to Frenchie over there!"

Now we were mid way through maybe our second or third pint when the weirdest bloke in Manchester arrived. A great big bald bloke with a beard who, unfortunately, caught my eye. He mumbled in what I thought was a Scottish accent...

"I must apologise, cannot breathe it is because of my hormones."

I said nothing and just raised an eyebrow.

At the lack of response he went over to a table of girls a few yards away and said the same thing.

"Can I call you an ambulance love?"

"No, no please don't."

"Well do you want a cigarette?"

"Oh yesh please."

Eh? He couldn't breathe a minute ago. What a strange geezer.

As he disappeared for a fag a waitress brought over a coffee for the strange bloke, who'd left what looked all of his belongings at a table next to us.

And it stood there forever. We thought he'd either died, left a bomb, forgotten where he was or was just a mentalist.

And it still stood there. 

"Shall we spit in it?"

"Oh  hang on here is now....ere mate, your coffee is gonna be freezing."

"Hey guys, you know you don't understand circumstances, I am from Eastern European." (Seems I was way off with my accent recognition!)

"I dunno mate, Grangetown is pretty rough!!"

Anyway, I disappeared off for a wizzle and returned to find my chair had been vandalised with 


"Right drink up lads, lets get out of this hell hole and find a taxi for the stadium."

And away we went!

Part 2 soon.

Brush Strokes

We've had the decorators in! What do you think, oh loyal userbase?

Sunday, February 8

Dream Team

Concerned that this site is beginning to look like a long list of Dream Team scores?

Sick of seeing Gumma coming first? 

Yeah, well so is his Mrs!!

Yes? I am too so I've moved it to this site now and all scores, transfer news etc. will appear

Coming Soon

A full on 'old school' write up of the trip to Manchester for the City vs. Boro game. Yeah, we lost 1-0 but it was worth it just for the Robinho songs, 7.30am lagers, Big Brother auditions and a scar that looks like an 80 year olds arse.

Dream Team

1st Gumma 1059pts

2nd KG 1052pts
3rd Mikey 944pts
4th JBH 898pts
5th Pete 876pts
6th KG Snr 776pts
7th Joanne 770pts
8th Chris 696pts

Wednesday, February 4


Gather round children. I would like to tell you a mystical story, full of magic and mystery.

Every so often, it gets cold. So cold, that even the rain freezes. Then, by a largely unknown process, it begins to snow!

This seemingly happens at random. Everybody is taken by surprise, so we wake up bleary eyed and think "Jesus Christ!"

Snow is, of course, just some weather. So how come the country has ground to a halt? How come nearly everybody in London is working from home? When did snow become the most important item on the news? It's frozen water for God's sake. Do they have a newsfalsh in Canada every time it snows? Do the Finns exclusively work from home? Has the Icelandic economy stopped...oh, hang on.

One of the most noticeable effects of this 'snow' is it's electromagnetic effect on the engines of cars. This makes the vehicles move at one of two speeds, either a feeble crawl or a balls-out blast into the icy certainty of death. Walking the dog on Monday I overtook 4 cars, before having to leap out of the way of a BMW doing 50 mph sideways down an alleyway.

Teachers have taken the weather more seriously than most. News reports told of schools closed across the nation, so obviously the kids rejoiced. Judging by the news though, most of them went straight to school to stand about a bit and build a snowman. You're off school! Go home!

The joy of the snow has gone now. The slightly frozen water has been replaced with extremely frozen water. Just this morning I had a head on collision with a Peugeot 206. I was OK, because I wasn't in my car. I was out walking the dog again. I might as well have been auditioning for Dancing on Ice, in best Todd Carty fashion.

Bring on the spring, I say.

Tuesday, February 3

Line Dancing

Apparently, we'll be line dancing soon. I am impossibly worried. How do you do it?

I assume it's a matter of practice makes perfect, but we'll have had no practice. Line dancing is usually performed by the elderly and Americans, but mostly by elderly Americans. This should make it nice and easy to pick up, but judging by the difficulty we've had in finding the correct clothing it seems to be an underground hobby like acid house, or felching.

Luckily, I'll have a head start. You see, when i was young, I was a part of the Cleveland County Country Dancing championship team. Those heady days on Ravensworth School's field in the hot sun, being swung round by a partner twice my height and 3 times my weight (she was hardly a looker), leading to me being the first person in the world to win a competition involuntarily.

We'll have photos, natch. Mikey will pick it up straight away, as he does, whereas I'll get bored after a while and slope off to the bar. That's my attention span gone and er, er....

A Moral Dilemma

So we're thinking of doing something with the Wallet. Like restarting it, rebuilding it, whatever. We've had some ideas, but maybe they won't come to fruition. I think we're a bit sick of seeing fantasy football scores every time we come on it, and it might be scaring both of our readers off.

So what to do? Build a site from scratch? Well, hey, that takes time, talent and temperament, three things of which we share little. Can someone explain the difference between wordpress and blogger? 

Our basic aim is to become the Middlesbrough pisshead equivalent of Top Gear, but on the net. Any help would be more than gratefully received.

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