Sunday, May 18

Some Things I Learnt in Tenerife

People of Bolton: Just because Peter Kay is from Bolton, you are not obliged to recite his routines, say "What's all that about?", and you are definitely forbidden from mentioning garlic bread.

Scratchcard salespersons: I DON'T WANT ONE. (walks two feet) I DON'T WANT ONE. (walks two feet) I DON'T WANT ONE. (walks two feet) I DON'T WANT ONE. (punches salesperson).

Cockroaches are generally indestructible, and would make superb terrorists.

All Spanish cleaning ladies have dyed red hair, possibly to seperate them from the other members of society.

When the menu says 'burger' it either means a tiny burger with a huge bun, or vice versa. It will also arrive with 3/4 of a tomato hidden in the bottom.

Reina lager is possibly the most horrific drink in the entire world.

Buses with TITSA written on the side are better than all other buses.

Statistically, 12% of prawns will give you the shits.

Las Americas is built on the side of a big fucking hill, so if you are a bit of a fat bloke, make sure you don't sink 4 pints and a huge fried breakfast before trying to make it back to base camp (the hotel).

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