Friday, May 30

Britain's Got Talent

Well, no, it hasn't, but what it has got is some seriously deranged people doing what they think they do best on national television. And the acts aren't up to much either! A-ha-ha-ha.

Cowell, Holden and Morgan are the centrepiece of the show. Whilst the acts do their thing, the camera cuts back to the judges showing their reactions to the acts.

Cowell and Morgan, as the voices of reason, always look reasonably bemused; the look a 40 year old gives upon seeing a hip-hop video. You can almost see the cogs whirring in Cowell's head when the latest 9 year old singing sensation drops from swing into beatboxing, and back again without missing a breath, "what can I do with this one?"

Third judge Amanda Holden, however, seems to be an emotional wreck. Admittedly, 10 years of living with Les Dennis probably would freak you out a bit. Whether frowning at the glamorous magician's assistant or sobbing uncontrollably at the latest tuneless child prodigy, Holden will go out of her way to make sure that the public are in no doubt that this is "literally the best act here tonight", or "just the best thing I've seen all evening".

You just know that she'll disgree with the opinions of the other two judges, almost as if that's what she's been paid to do. If you're a kid, or sing a ballad, or have a decent six pack, then your through. If you produce doves from a hat and your missus has legs up to her armpits, then you're out.

She might be a bit fucked up, but hey, still deffo would though.

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