Thursday, May 31

Dream Team: Final Scores

Thank you The Sun, for printing the final scores in todays paper.

Here we go then after a long hard season, lots of twists, lots of turns and everyone gave it a good go.

In last place is Annette, she fought hard with a team which suffered from being mainly injured or relegated.

Final score: 675pts.

In the battle of the Dads, KG senior lead for most of the season before some sterling work in the transfer market from JBH saw him go clear.

In 8th place, KG senior on 1228pts.
7th JBH 1268pts.

Now the mid table crunch. All of these lead the table at some point or another but it was the transfers what won it in the end.

6th Graham 1379pts
5th Dale and Emma 1425pts
4th Joanne 1529pts.

Now the final three place. Who has won it?

In third. He lead for the best part of the later part of the season, made a bad decision in signing Lita and watched his lead slip away. That's right it was me.

3rd Mikey 1609pts.

In second, his transfers pulled through and Berbatov and Drogba smashed in goals left right and centre in the last few games taking him just a mere 3pts in front of me. Congratulations on Second place...Peter.

2nd Pete 1612pts.

And of course, the winner is, the master of the transfer market (Drogba and McCarthey of note) and well done for sticking with players that had a poor start (Berbatov and Jenas).

Round of applause please for your 2006/07 Burnley Wallet Dream Team Champion

Keith "KG" Groves on 1652pts.

If you want to be part of our little league next year send us an e-mail or leave a comment!!

Wednesday, May 30

First Impressions

This is always my favourite episode of Big Brother. Mainly because it is spent texting mates back and forth with the likes of:

"She'd get it."

"What the fuck is that?"

"Dear me."

And, "I hate Davina McCall."

Anyway, on to the show.

First up, Twins. What a way to start. "I'd rattle them!" came the first text. Then they opened there mouths.

"Old Splitarse" Lesley was the next contestant. "Doable. If I was older."

Next up, Kieran Richardson's lapdancing cousin.

Text received: "This is looking good fella." Or maybe I misread it. "Good looking fella."

Tracy. Keith out of the Prodigy anyway.

Er, who was next? Was it Beckham? Think I have possibly missed someone there but on to Beckham. Wahey! Dirty Yorkshire splitter who was, a bit of a stalker, but hey we all have our faults. Text: "Like t' take her oop t' wrong 'un."

Weird glam Asian bloke/bird. No texts.

Indy rock chick. Yep, very nice.

Porker from Wales. Seemed alright.

Miserable Asian bird. Will probably be in final with other Asian bird. Knowing C4.

Weird bitch who came in last with the mad grey hair. Out. Now. Please. Will win it.

So who's the lucky get who has to put up with that lot then. Is it next Friday? I dunno turned it off.

Oh well, that's the best episode over with.

Tuesday, May 29

5 a Side

We played footy on Thursday and nobody did the ratings. Oh well, nows my chance to upset everyone. Pete's team won but we fought back to within a few goals at the end.

Pete 6 - some lovely stuff but got a bit knackered like the majority of us. Some good goals.
Paul 7 - always had plenty of space and scored a few.
Tony M 7 - skills to pay the bills and good in goal.
Dale - 6 - nowhere near his best, sorry! But still fast as.
Phil - 6 - ferocious tackling, I've got the bruises.


Mikey 6 - got a good kicking off Phil. A few goals from nowhere to got us back on track.
KG - 10 - AWESOME.
Chris - 7 plenty of goals and good attacking play.
Gumma (not his real name) 6 - 3 OGs but some good goals at the other end.
Russ - 6 - lots of missed of shots. And I mean lots.

Same time next week fellas.


Sold the Poncho for £51 + £5 postage. That'll be £6 profit thank you very much! Thick bastard.

Dream Team

I would be very surprised if KG has not wrapped this one up but since the Sun never printed the final scores in Saturday's paper, we aren't 100% sure. So, give it till Saturday and if they haven't shown up by then I will spend countless hours trying to work it out using the crappy online points tables.

Get your fivers to KG asap too.


Most of us lot played with Transformers up to our early twenties. Optimus Prime, Starscream etc. Now I'm no Glen McNamee who I imagine writhed about a bit when he saw this trailer, but I have to say I am quite looking forward to this film.


Wednesday, May 23


Sunday, May 20

Man with no name

Poncho for sale, at long last.

Saturday, May 19

Penultimate Leader Board

One week to go, two big games that could decide where the Dream Team jackpot goes.

It's been an epic season at the top of the table and most of us have led at one time or another. The FA Cup and Champs League Final will be the deciders.

So here goes...

1st KG 1633 points
2nd Pete 1603 pts
3rd Me 1577 pts
4th Jo 1508 pts
5th Dale and Emma 1395pts
6th Graham 1381 pts
7th JB Heaney 1270 pts
8th KG Senior 1214 pts
9th Annette 675 pts

Tuesday, May 15


I'm a quiet man. Usually. Except when I've downed ten pints and am waxing lyrical about the caesarian procedure with a doctor...from Uganda. It's a long story that I can't be bothered telling so forget it.

But, at the minute, I am completely lost without sound. My sound card or something or other in my PC died the other day and, it's not until it did, I realised how much shit comes through my two little speakers! Youtube, The Wallet, I am Bored, games, videos, the news and my huge collection of freely acquired music!!

It's rare for me to go a day without blasting out something brilliant full blast to relax after a crap day at work (because everyday is crap?).

So, all you geeks and nerds out there, what's up with my PC?

My Avance 97 device thingy won't start.....IT'S A CODE 10 goddamit.


We used to have a forum. It was a wonderful thing, with literally 5 or so of us talking about nothing. Now it's gone. Not 'gone' gone, but it's been taken over by somebody with tourettes I think. I'd repeat some of the things on there, but it would make me blush.

So, in the interest of keeping us talking, hows about you follow me across to Glen's luvverly Obscure Internet forum? I'm already signed up, as pete_off_the_wallet. Glen will only ask you once to do an "article", I think it's some sort of fetish he has. Just ignore him.

Plus, not only does it have one of the lowest nerd-ratings of all the forums on the net (just 95.8%!), but it's got a porn bit as well. Apparently. Have a look though eh?

Wednesday, May 9

Malgrat del Mar Part 2

We've established already that MdM was chock filled with the elderly. The big poolside fashion statement was the knee-length short/knee-length sock combo. It was, at times, roasting; yet still the olds persisted with their fucking coats.

Pint courtesy of the robbing cunts at Durham/Tees Valley.

When we surfaced for our evening meal on the first day, we walked into a busy dining room. Literally everybody in there stopped and looked at us, like a reanimated vampire might look at a virgin's soft, tasty neck. The wife is getting on a bit (she's 30), but she was at least 30 years the junior of the vast majority of people in the room.

A beautiful day

The old-people's home feel of the place continued when we finally filled our plates. Everything was soft and not chewy in the slightest, to help those in the hotel with false teeth. One night, just before we were due to come home, they had what appeared to be cows testicles. They were a slight oval shape, and pretty smooth on the outside. Also, they were fucking gorgeous. Cow knackers are, like Frosties, GRRRRRREAT!

Electrical storm

Things improved slightly outside of the hotel. Some positively baby-faced 40 year olds walked the streets. It was like the film Cocoon, but on rewind. This being an up-and-coming resort, lots of signs had suffered during the translation. Take, for example, the Optimum Supperclub, where you would seemingly go to the bar for cocoa and crumpets. Or, further afield, the Diagonal Mar in Barcelona itself, apparently a mecca for 'shooping'.

It's in his kiss (That's where it is!)

May 1st was a holiday in Spain. Everywhere was shut, meaning we had to buy water from the ludicrously expensive ice cream shop. To make matters worse it pissed down. All day long. It was mind numbing, but the old people didn't notice, apart from a slight creaking of their bunions.

It was OK though. It wasn't like Benidorm or Tenerife, where everytime you go in a pub it's quite likely that you'll end up stood on the bar with your boxer shorts on your head. It was really chilled, partly because of the clientele, and partly because of the out-of-season nature of our holiday.

The real highlight was the swimming nun though. Well, not swimming, but paddling - habit and all.

Click for hot nun action!

After the above photo was taken I came out of the shower to find my bass and beats from my MP3 player replaced with soothing chanting. The nuns had sorted out a choir practice, under our balcony! Possibly the most surreal thing I've ever seen. Cracking.

Saturday, May 5

Grease is the Word

No. Shite is the word. It really does make X-Factor look like "The World at War".

Only worth watching to see David Gest I suppose, who is gradually becoming a horrible mix of Sylvester Stallone and Mr T.

Christ, is this really what it's come to?

Quick DT update

1st Pete 1553 pts
2nd Me 1530 pts
3rd KG 1522 pts
4th Jo 1393 pts
5th Dale and Emma 1340 pts
6th Graham 1320 pts
7th JBH 1228pts
8th KG's Dad 1202 pts
9th Annette 658 pts.

Thursday, May 3

Malgrat del Mar

Myself and the wife have just returned from sunny Spain, this very morning. I'm not going to bore you with tales of dim-witted tourists asking "why there's so many fucking Spaniards here" and "I'm not eating that foreign muck", but I just had to put something on here about the hotel.

Teatime in Malgrat del Mar

We turned up on Thursday evening, and after being dropped off by the butch Spanish bus driver we checked in. Several OAPs walked slowly past, but it was 3 in the afternoon, so all of the scantily clad birds would still be sleeping off last night's excesses. How wrong one man could be.

An old person in Malgrat, yesterday

When we re-emerged for tea, we discovered, much to our horror, that almost everyone in the hotel was over 60. This was bad. It was like an old people's home - mindless zombies moving aimlessly and slowly round the building. All it needed was plastic sheets and zimmerframe hire, and we were there.

Somewhere else altogether

As a result, all of the pubs were dead beyond 7pm. There were no battles to commandeer the sunbeds. In fact, almost nothing of note happened at all. It was by far and away the most relaxing holday I've ever been on.

Coming soon: Cow balls, more old people, songs of praise in spanish and swimming nuns!

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