Dreams are pretty mad aren’t they.
Salvador Dali obviously thought that were because apparently he painted what he saw in his dreams.
Well though my dreams aren’t exactly Dali like, they are pretty surreal. Lately, after having a weird one, I have taken to typing out a draft text in my mobile then checking it when I awake so that I remember said dream in the morning.
I’ve done this for about a week now and the results are weird.
The Triad Double CrossYes this almost Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels affair came to me the other night. It was a stormy night on Redcar promenade down by Leos and I park up at the meeting point where I am to do a deal with a bunch of Triads. That’s right gangsters from the far east.
As I am about to hand over the package having already received the cash a police van reverses in to the scene with its back doors open.
Peter sprays sub machine gun fire at the gang as I leap in to the back. KG is driving, giggling away to himself and shouts, “Get in will ya, close the doors Mikey!!!!” He then wheel spins away with the siren on full.
We then drive home along the Trunk Road laughing like crazy and saying things like “How funny was it when that skinny one got shot and then tripped on the kerb.”
Andrew Garrens’ Rearranged Head
Following a day long piss up, myself, several workmates and Andrew Garrens were due to attend a night match at the Riverside. Now most of us have seen Andrew drunk. Well I have more than others and to say he gets lairy is an understatement! This transferred into the dream world.
So, just before the match kicks off we just about make it to our seats and AG starts abusing these blokes. It all gets a bit hairyy in the stand and me and the others leave AG to it and leg it from the ground. We go back to work a day later after lots of phone calls from his worried missus and get there to find Andrew with a rearranged head where he has been battered and all he can say is in an extremely slurred voice, “I just don‘t remember anything.”
Rearranged meaning one eye is where his mouth is, an ear is upside down etc. A bit like when Bob Mortimer got his head stuck in the washing machine on Bang Bang its Reeves and Mortimer many moons ago. Pete will know what I mean.
Though pretty horrific, I almost wet myself laughing when I told KG about this one!!
KG and Mikey get lost at the Riverside
This was a weird one. Myself and KG managed to get lost at the Riverside going to a match with KG constantly assuring me he "knows where he is going" and that all the occurrences are normal (being searched, having to go through metal xrays and fill in forms) and we end up in a bar.
“Our seats are just through there!” he says after a good half an hour of walking around and settling down to a pint.
The Bus to Work
This one saw my car break down and have to get the bus to work. The bus usually takes 25 minutes or so to get there in real life. Not in dream land.
3 hours later and the driver was pulling into a strange village and I was on the phone explaining where I was, what I did at the weekend and where the bus was now.
Then the bus broke down.
And then it snowed.
Not the 263
I got to work at 4.30pm and was told the office had closed early due to the snow.“See you tomorrow Mike.”
Invite to Workmates House
In this dream I got an invite to a workmates house. A workmate who I never talk to except the odd "Hi", rarely see and have nothing to do with other than they are regularly in the office. So I drive over to their house (where I don’t know - but it’s a big old boy) and I am invited inside. I am under the impression this is going to be a huge gathering of workmates and families. No, of course not.
It’s just me.
They then make me watch a film about space cadets training to visit the moon and it also features an animatronic of The Thing from the Fantastic Four crossed with C3-PO.
Being made to watch this in the dark, on my own and with it being a seriously crap film I start nodding off but every time I do the workmate starts the film again.
I've had this dream twice now.
I am in the dentists chair being mauled to death and it is as if the DJ on TFM who, despite being located 20 miles away, somehow knows I am there. He then plays Muse's "Supermassive Black Hole." to hilariously match my cavity laden teeth.
Oh wait, that one is real and has happened. Twice.
How’s that for an insight into my current state of mind?!
Are you a dream expert - what on earth are these all about?
And you reader - how weird are your dreams?
Leave a comment below.