Tuesday, January 30

Pumpkin Head

Ditch the Deadwood (Part II)

Here are Mr Groves JNR's Dream Team, sposored by Parmo, transfers!

Outgoing:- Thierry Henry £8M, Seoul £2.5M, Jens Lehmann £5M

Incoming:- Didier Drogba £4.5, Paul Scholes £4M, Edwin Van Der Sar £5M

Get them all important final transfer window signings in before the deadline!!


Apparently number one. Sounds to me like Kemal, the Turkish knob-jock from BB6, has found a guitar. What a load of shite.

I fancy you could release 3 minutes of the sound of someone drowning these days, and make a decent chart placing.

Monday, January 29

An Off Day

I was off work today. I fulfilled the one duty of being off work and arrived home by 10.30. The rest of the day, to do what I liked, was mine.

By 10.45 I had exhausted all but one option. I couldn't go to the pub. I'm 27, drinking alone is not the done thing. All of the boys and girls were at work. It was freezing outside. There was one thing left. The cinema. On my own.

Being on my own wasn't a problem. Because it's so dark, you can get away with it. Plus, it was lunchtime on a Monday, so the place would be empty. Or would it? OR would it? OR WOULD IT?

I arrived at the formerly futuristic Showcase at 1 PM. I'll nip to Hollywood Bowl, have a bit of a go on the machines, then go and watch the film - excellent. Off I scooted to the aforementioned tenpin establishment, where I tried my luck on the 4 player Outrun 2 machine - smashing the high score in the process.

In high spirits and with a spring in my step, I wandered back to the cinema. THEN IT ALL WENT HORRIBLY WRONG.

Stood on the steps leading to the numerous doors, were approximately 14 of the most scally, chav-esque dipshits you've ever seen. Surely they wouldn't be going to see "The Last King of Scotland" would they? They must be off to see Rocky, or even Happy Feet?

Sadly not. I joined the queue behind these scallies, who had now been joined by a leader in a red fleece. Young offenders? Oh, yes, your honour. 15 for King of Scotland please! I could put up with this, couldn't I? Just sit at the other side! No. Not quite.

One of the scallies shouts (and I spell this as I heard it) "Ere man, dis is gunna be wikkid, innit!"

I turned on my heel and left. As did a couple stood behind me.

My Monday afternoon with Idi Amin was ruined. I went home and played cricket on the Xbox, and ate Hob Nobs. Pisser, or what?

Sunday, January 28

Die Clatterschenkenfietermaus

Simply insane!! One of the funniest things I've ever seen. The bloke on the left made Chubbs look like a Jehovahs witness.

They were on at the Arc on Friday night. It's a top class night for £8 mind you. You get 3 good acts plus an MC. Methinks we should deffo go one week.

Tuesday, January 23

More Random Photos!!

God knows why these belters have never made it to the Wallet!!

First up Keiths Real Tongue...

Then me in more headwear!! Taken in Liverpool on Chris' Stag Do...

And yet again me and this time KG as well in baseball caps doing our best Hip Hop!! This was in Walkabout, don't ask me when and don't ask me why. Not a flipping clue!!

Here's Bob at Kathryn's 18th Birthday!!

And lastly the best pair of shorts on Earth, modelled (and owned) by KG...

That about exhausts my photo collection from 2006. Now to get some corkers from 2007!!!

Monday, January 22

Fetish for Headwear

For some reason I like having stuff on me head when I'm drunk, KG seems to be the same as you can in the post below...but these rare photos from last year give a brief glimpse into what too much drink can do to you....

Now that is what you call drunk.

Pumpkin Bonce

Song Exchange

As myself and KG are prone to totally ripping the piss out of each other and ourselves for our amusement and to build character (honest!), here is a sample of a exchange of texts following the latest craze...

Take a song (Pop/Rock/Football Terrace) and rip the piss...

Pinball Wizard - The Who (from KG to me)

When Mikey was a young man, he ate a lot of crisps
From French Fries to Monster Munch his favourtie pack were skips
I aint seen nothing like it and nothing near it since
You big fat c**t Mikey
Sure ate a whole lotta crisps

My Generation - The Who (me to KG)

People try to put him down (talking bout my mate Keith Groves)
Just because he's fat and round (talking bout my mate Keith Groves)
He gets through ten meals a day (talking bout my mate Keith Groves)
Tops it off with a huge BK (talking bout my mate Keith Groves)

A Hard Days Night (me to KG again)

It's been a hard days night
And Keiths been eating like a dog
He's had Pedigree and Winalot
And now he's gonna drop a log
And when he left work today
He went straight to BK
And now he feels alright

Another Brick in the Wall (KG retaliates in style)
We don't need no education
Hey Mikey!!
Leave those kids alone

Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand (I get one back)

They call him Keith Groves
He's huge don't ya know
I say - bellies out!!

Ronaldo Song

He drinks down Redcar
He drinks down the town
My mate Mikey Heaney
Is a big fucking clown!!
Jip Jaap Stam
Fat Keith Groves is a big fat lad
Upset him and he'll get mad
Never take the mick of his two inch dick
Fat Keith, Keith Groves

Shirt Sale

I'm selling off a load of my old shirts, some good, some bad, one Hawaii.

Click here to bid!

Saturday, January 20

Dream Team Sponsored by 888.com

It's getting a bit tense.....

1st Dale and Emma 888pts.
2nd Me 875pts
3rd KG 855pts
4th Pete 849pts
5th Graham 838pts
6th Jo 801pts
7th KG Senior 740pts
8th JBH 613pts
9th Annette 448pts

Wednesday, January 17

Not Very Well

Alright chiefs? I'm not. I've succumbed to a nasty bout of tonsillitis again. For the second time in a month.

For those of you in the know, thanks for the sympathy. For those of you who think "Fat twat, it's only a sore throat!" well, fuck you.

I mean, have a look at this; it's almost a carbon copy of my own throat at the moment. Well, not a carbon copy, my white spots are much smaller, and my tongue is pink.

While you're here, check out the Wikipedia entry. Not too bad, until it mentions people dying, not least George Washington. It killed George Washington but I'm dealing with it - with Lemsip. I must be invincible.

No, I'm not getting them out. Certainly not since friend-of-the-wallet Clairsey Murks needed a blood transfusion when getting hers out. Her Singstar voice has never been the same.

Anyway, "get well soon" cards are most welcome, as is Lucozade and bunches of grapes. Cheers.

Tuesday, January 16


19 posts to go until we have posted 2000 completely brilliant posts on this, the finest blog in the Eston/Coulby area.

In fact, the only blog in the Eston/Coulby area.

So get posting Pete.

KG won't be posting anymore as he has now downloaded so much porn his computer is full and his keyboard is quite sticky. Apparently because he likes to eat jam butties while he watches it.

What if we did some sort of special thing for the 2000th post?

Any suggestions anyone?

New Photos

Here are some photos for you lot from the fortnight or so over Xmas including a couple from Pete and Jo's party, some of the The Directors big gig in Hull and a totally random shot of the Xmas decs in Stockton.

Clicky clicky.

Advertise on this Website

Want an advert near that stag night one? You know you want to and hey it is damned cheap!!!

Contact us now on burnleywalletblog@yahoo.co.uk for more details.

Monday, January 15

Where is KG?

You might (not) have wondered.

Well click here to find out just what the care-bear has been doing!

Boro to Sign Gook!

No, really.

Monday, January 8

The BW Salt and Shake Fantasy Footix

After having a decent weekend at long fucking last, I decided to have a bit of a score update:

1 Mike Heaney 838
2 KG Jnr 826
3 Dale and Emma 819
4 Graham Newton 802
5 Peter Heaney 789
6 Joanne Heaney 785
7 KG Snr 717
8 Joe Heaney 585
9 Annette Newton 379

Louis Saha! Your legs are fine! Get up, you lazy shite! Transfers soon, me hearties!

Celeb BB

Yeah, I'm bored of it already. However, I did a bit of a thingy for Obscure Internet when it started.

Here it is.

I know, it's not very funny, but it's all practice. I haven't wrote much of use since I won the creative writing award in first year juniors. Ah, great days......

Saturday, January 6

Dream Team Update

The latest bout of football has left the Burnley Wallet Dream Team leaderboard looking like this.....

Me 828pts
KG 808pts
Dale and Emma 786pts
Graham 769pts
Pete 746pts
Jo 731 pts
KG Senior 714pts
JBH 586pts
Annette 358pts

How much do I win?

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