Wednesday, May 31

ThUGS

www.myspace.com/theupbeatglasssmash

There's a a few new songs on official BW music outlet the Upbeat Glass Smash. Give them a play now!

Monday, May 22

Ouch!

Emma Miller, friend of the Wallet, flasher of jugs and all round top ginger person had a small accident involving some fishing equipment. She then proceeded to have an extended stay in hospital and wasted some taxpayers wonga.

***WARNING*** Not for the faint hearted! Clicky!

Now, in honour of this act of gross stupidity, the Wallet is delighted to offer a prize* to the person who supplies us with the best gag related to her, er, plight.

I'll set the ball rolling..........

*Warning, prize may be shit or may not actually exist.

Sunday, May 21

Quality This

A picture in a picture in a picture in a picture in a picture in a picture etc.

Monday, May 15

Nicked from B3ta



























But of course. B3ta.

Wednesday, May 10

UEFA Cup Final - Sevilla Loads - Boro None

Ah well. Beaten by the best team we've played in both of the European adventures. Unfortunately for the Boro fan, this is how life is.

Sevilla were superior to our boys in every way, and a few of the players (Navas, Daniel Alves, Maresca) were simply a class above our supposed best lads. Downing, for example, went missing when it mattered, and was hardly mentioned in the last 30 mins.

Oh, by the way, those of you who think it's the end of the world? It starts again in August.

UEFA Cup Final

The Parmo's ordered. The beer's cold. The shirt is on. I feel a bit sick.

COME ON BORO!!

The Burnley Wallet - An Announcement

As of today, the Walleteers have decided to reduce the output of the Wallet. Whilst we aren't closing the site down, we think that nearly 2 years of posting virtually every day has finally left the three of us exhausted - both of energy and ideas. It does, as Mike said, feel like a chore at the moment.

We will still post though, just nowhere near as regularly. Hopefully this will allow us to enjoy it more than we are at the moment. Some little changes will also take place to the site.

At the moment the site is more popular than ever, but we can't keep posting like we are. So, keep ya eyes peeled chiefs, for Wallet updates in the coming months.

We will return........

Tuesday, May 9

Blaine: You Suck

He only failed to beat his crap underwater breathing record didn't he?

I mean even that Dean fella of Big brother made a big sugar cube tower and he got in.

He should get back to lifting himself off the ground, it was a lot more impressive.

GNSotD: Cable firm NTL to cut 6,000 jobs

NTHell - it's well deserved as well cos they absolutely suck!

Monday, May 8

Deal or No Deal

Chances are Keith will play at least 3,000 rounds of this..... click!!

Nightmare England XI

Following on from Mike's WC team, imagine if you woke up on the 10th of June - clouds forming, rain lashing down, and this bunch of no-hopers strolled out to get beat by Paraguay; Sven can do what he likes, after all - he's not gonna be sacked is he?

GK: James (Man City)

RB: Hunt (Bolton)
LB: Konchesky (West Ham)
CB: Pearce (Fulham)
CB: Bramble (Skunks)

RW: Pennant (Birmingham)
LW: Hendrie (Villa)
CM: Whitehead (Mackems)
CM: Parlour (Boro)

FW: Shearer (Skunks)
FW: Stead (Mackems)

Do any better? Leave a comment.

England Squad

Sven you have surprised many of us. so if you were the Mr Burns of football who would your starting 11 be in Deutschland?

For me it's certain it will be...

GK Robinson

LB A Cole
RB Neville
CB Ferdinand
CB Terry

Now the tricky bit...

DM Carrick
CM Lampard
CM Gerrard
RW Beckham
LW Cole

S Owen

Ya have to say though, Sven has got a hell of a lot of options - maybe too many.

But we have every confidence......

C'MON ENGLAND!!!

GNSotD: Penis reattached after maid cuts it off

Penis reattached after maid cuts it off - Yahoo! News UK

This one will make you cringe!!!

Thursday, May 4

HONK!

Got beeped twice by road ragers today. All my fault as well!! How me and KG laughed on the way to work as I nearly cut up a Mondeo. And, then invented a new catchphrase that is going to annoy just about everyone!!

HOOOOOOOOOONNNNKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How old are we?

Philippines mothers chase breastfeeding record - Yahoo! News UK

Everyone needs to read this!! Deary me.

GNSotD: New England Manager

Congratulations Steve McClaren!!

Wednesday, May 3

Follow Up: When Lineker met Maradona

I fell asleep.

Was it any good?

GNSotD: A Wedding

104-year-old woman weds. Click!!

Boro in the charts?

I sincerly doubt it with this effort.

Although anything is possible with the Boro these days.

Tuesday, May 2

Dream Team update

KG has cemented his lead at the top of Dream Team 2006, and with only 1 or 2 games to go, it loks very good for me!

Mikey's Mongs

1. Fridel 133
2. McCartney -9
3. Naysmith 7
4. Upson 52
5. A Ferdinand 83
6. Reid 13
7. Lampard 254
8. Downing 55
9. Geremi 37
10. Rooney 252
11. Van Nistelrooy 183

Total = 1060


KG's Kings

1. Martyn 66
2. Mellberg 53
3. Spector 6
4. Knight 25
5. Queudrue 110
6. Rommedahl 47
7. Stelios 168
8. Gerrard 283
9. Henry 285
10. Defoe 91
11. Forsell 50

Total Points = 1184


Pete's Pricks

1. Jaaskelainen 135
2. Samuel 17
3. Queudrue 110
4. Clement 33
5. Spector 6
6. Pires 142
7. Robben 131
8. Okocha 66
9. Arca 48
10. Van Nistelrooy 183
11. Drogba 115

Total Points - 986

14,000

Thanks to all the readers who saw us fly past the 14,000 hits mark in what is a bit of a resurgence of the Wallet. Spread the word the Wallet is on fire.

What a Great Year

This is turning out to be....

Stacks of epic nights out, so good and so hard to get over they don't even get posted.

A great weekend in Liverpool and another one to come.

Football at its finest. Middlesbrough FC have provided miracles at the Riverside.

The World Cup is still to come.

I've got three weddings to go to.

I've seen KG set on fire, get a blowjob (not a real one), sing RED ARMY so loud a man began praying for his life and rescue my glasses.

I've seen myself set on fire, sing RED ARMY so loud a manfeared for his own hearing and lose my glasses!!

I've seen a man win £6,000 playing Roulette...in Ladbrokes.

I've sold some shit on e-bay (Hey - it's hard first time ok.)

I've delivered the Wallet a rock band!

All this and it's only May.

2006 is fast becoming a truly memorable one.

Shock, horror, KG Blogs

Well what is goin on in the world of KG?

Firstly I have to start with The Mighty Boro, what a performance against Stella Bucharest, and now where all off to Eindhoven. My tickets even arrived this morning for the "Neutral Section"

I've decided to coach it to Eindhoven, a cool 11 1/2 hours with Daft Wob, Chris and our Dad. We get an overnight stay on the outskirts of Eindhoven on the Tuesday night, at least we get a night on the piss somewhere then onto Eindhoven to arrive Mid day on Wednesday. This is like all my christmas mornings rolled into one, I literally can't wait and got a semi on, when me tickets arrived this morning!

I'm currently on strike, not sure why, the union bloke just said are you striking on 2nd and 3rd May? I'm like count me in chief, get me outta this place for a few days!

So whilst on strike, I thought I'd sort the garden out, I spent a good 2 hours cutting and strimming and it now looks quite good, it kind of remind me of the pitch at Highbury - only minus the squirrel!
Did you see that, it was one of the finniest things I've ever seen, espeically when one of the Villareal players tried to catch it, Lardhead!

Nights out are coming thick and fast, plus we've just had a few corkers dating back to the Thursday before Good Friday I think. Hopefully Mikey will get his finger out and get them put on here shortly.

5 a side made a welcome return last Friday and were playing again this Friday. It was one of the most enjoyable games I've played in. The score was summat ridiculous like 23-23. Disco Dale scoring the equaliser with the last kick of the game. A top laff had by all. Oh excpet Robbie, somene has to ban him from permanantly twatting the ball at 100mph when shooting at goal from like 7 yards.

A see Pete's had a huge rant about the Simpsons, I have to agree like the older stuff is miles better, saw the episode yesterday when Homer becomes the Pee - Wee football coach. At the start Flanders is the coach and Homer just hurls all this abuse at him. Fave line.

Homer "Hey Flanders your the worst coach this team has ever had"

Lisa "Dad, he's the only coach we've ever had and its our first game"

Homer "Yeah but he's still the worst coach"

Then he repeatedly shouts "FFFLLLLLLAAAAANNNNNDDDDDEEEEERRRSSSSS"

Fucking quality!

The stag do is drawing closer and closer, he's a list of who's going,

Chris
KG
Our Dad
Pierre
Mikey
Phil
Moss
Big Nose
Disco
Russell
Totsy
Graham
Peter (Our dads mate)
John (our dads mate)

Everything is sorted now, bus booked and deposit paid, leave Eston Sq at 9.30am. We just need to find somewhere to stay when we get there!

Sir Percy runs this Saturday, we told you about this tip ages ago, I stand to win a sizeable amount of tatey if it wins. Everything I've heard about this horse is good so lets hope he delivers on saturday.

Thats about it folks, check back in 2 months for my next blog!!

GNSotD: Keith Richards released from hospital

Keef Richards is okay following something one of us three would do....fall out of a palm tree!

When Lineker met Maradona

Make sure you watch this tonight. Click.

Monday, May 1

The Fall and Fall of the World's Finest TV Show

Today, I am sad.

Not because of the sorry state of this country and it's politicians, but because something I hold dear to my heart has started to stink. And I mean, stink.

You may have watched the two new Simpsons episodes broadcast the last two Sundays. Last week, we had the much hyped Ricky Gervais written episode starring the fat southern twat. And yesterday (the 30th of April, chronology fans), we had an episode about Grandpa Simpson being a fucking matador.

You heard me right. A fucking matador.

The Gervais episode was horrendous. Remember the episode where Itchy and Scratchy had Poochie (voiced by Homer) added to freshen the show up, only to fail miserably because the fans hate these things to change? Gervais was Poochie - albeit heavily disguised as Brent. Strange how parody bites you on the arse isn't it?

Gervais has one character - the cringe inducing blunderer, who believes his station in life to be slightly higher than it actually is. All that changes is the power structure; Andy Millman (Extras) was just Brent before he was in charge, with the foot-in-mouth switch slightly lowered. The Simpsons character fell between the two.

The matador episode summed up all that could go wrong in a Simpsons episode. Based around Grandpa, the least funny character they have, with a Lisa based moral choice bit, a splash of ludicrous set up for the plot (a Springfield NFL team and assisted suicide? Eh?) and a total waste of the great characters.

The show should have finished years ago, at it's peak. Talk of a movie makes me sweat uncontrollably. The world has changed since the Simpsons appeared, and Family Guy is much more relevant to the times. Nobody cares about meat is murder plots anymore, if indeed they ever did. Evil monkeys in bedrooms? Ah-ha.

Watch the first, ooh, 8 seasons again and marvel at the finest comedy TV ever committed to the airwaves. But don't bother with the new stuff. It's awful.

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