Saturday, July 31

Here man, check me out im me BURBERRY!

funny as

Friday, July 30


Yes, it's damn clever. Yes, it allows people to air the views all over the globe.

But quite often it just cuts you off in

England manager

Should Sven get the elbow from the top job, then I'm going to apply for it.

I've won shitloads of trophies as Boro on championship manager down the years.

I'm going to put together a proper CV and everything.

England supporters! Get behind me! I AM YOUR SAVIOUR!

With Mikey as "Technical Director" and Gr00ves as "Chief Scout".

F**cking Nightmare

Just sat and typed a mega blog only for it to just dissapear when I tried to publish it. It's nowhere to be found, I'm completely gutted. Anyway here's a brief summary: -

  • It featured what I'm up to this month.
  • Suggestion of a Premiership BW Site.
  • Bad Lads Army Impressions
  • Loads of shit about Dale.
  • Even more shit about Joey Gamblor-man

Right I'm off for a cry. Blogging - unreliable shite I tells ya.

Thursday, July 29

Gambling Joey

Cheers for the comment fella.

Now us lads at BW, especially me and Pete, are partial to a spot of betting our selves, so why dont you leave us a "Joey's Best Bet" each week, we can keep tabs on it, and then laff when it fails miserably!

Check out his website, for more so called "tips"



The start of the Premiership season draws ever closer.

Total excitement now, as the Boro have assembled possibly their strongest starting XI ever. Not one player can be classed as a weak link.

Internationals everywhere (except Francky Q, god bless his forward roaming cotton socks) and England's finest manager. It says so much that McLaren might tell England to stick it because of how his pet project is proceeding. Imagine that 15 years ago? No way.

Where could it go wrong?

I think we know where. West Brom. Bolton. Norwich. Must win this season I think.

Best Man's Speeches

Writer's block.

Anyone got any ideas?

I've got about 45 seconds worth.


Sky Sports is awesome.

Back in the bad old days of ITV's the Premiershit, Boro would be limited to a few minutes of coverage, normally towards the end of the show, showing highlights of the days game.

However these bad days have thankfully gone, and thanks to sky we now have this


Get in there!

Sky Sports, we are not worthy!

A little song about Spectrums........

Of the Sinclair variety.

Not the "Richard of York...." bollocks they used to farm out in physics.


Dale Miller?

Surely not the Dale Miller?

Skinny Bloke. Naff shirt. Could be..............

Good time keeping!

How do I change the time so it is correct!

Guess who's back...

Back again, Ruxspins back, tell a friend!!

Back once again with the renegade master, people power, power to the people, back once again with the ill behaviour, with the ill behaviour.................

As you can guess, I'm back!!!

Been away for a while, doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but the good news is, am BACK!

A lot has happened since me last blog, Mikey has turned into a raving alcoholic (still not as bad as me tho) andPeter has (tried to)  resurect his footy career.

Al start me review from last friday, it was a double birthday celebration at work, so on the Thursday a few of us banged in a half day to go out on the lash. We started in the Hoggs where I consumed 5 stellas in about an hour and half, we then moved up to The Dickens, sat outside had 2 pints of Carling (Does the Dickens have the best beer garden in the Town??), we planned to meet more people from work back in the Hogs for 3.30pm, so after the Dickens we moved back to the Hoggs, 2 more Stellas in here.  I was really starting to feel in here, I think I had just finished me 9th pint when we moved to Llyods Resolution Bar, (It's a J D Weatherspoon's pub which serves really cheap drinks) I consumed a double vodka and Red Bull in here, we almost got shot out of Lloyds for "WRESTLING" in the middle of the pub, Oh man so funny! It was getting on for about 8.30pm now, and I was really feeling it, we moved on to Barry Cuda (as it will now be known as) I "think" I had a vodka and Coke in here. Half way through me drink, my liver was telling me to go home, so I rang around a few people scrounging for a lift, and Mikey came up trumps, he picked us up from Barry Cuda about 9ish, as he has already blogged I was destroyed, so drunk, I fell asleep in the car! Got in and went straight to bed!! Slept like a baby until I woke up, fully clothed at 9am Saturday!!! A top afternoon sesh was had by all!

On Saturday I took Mikey to his works for his fun day, I apparently agreed to take him pissed up the night before!  As for the rest of Saturday, not much happened!

Sunday was a snooze fest!

Monday was back to work!

Tuesday, went to the Hoggs at dinner time and then after work.

Wednesday went to the Hoggs at dinner time and then after work.

As for the rest of the week I'm on strike thats right readers, we Civil servants are striking due to the lack of a pay rise and the new appraisal system, management have brought out! Read all about it on the Unions web site.

Last night, went down to watch the footy and saw the best kick off ever, as reported by Mikey, Disco Dale's team lost 2 or 3 nil I think, Dales Dad was kicking off big style at the end with the Ref, not sure why!

The Boro's pre season campaign is going smoothly, they beat Preston 2-0 on Saturday and then destroyed Notts Forest last night 4-1, J F H grabbed his first Boro goals, big things are expected from him this season.  Since I last blogged Boro have added Ray Parlour, I think he is a good signing and will do a good job in the midfield.

The Burnley Wallet possee plus invited guests are heading on down to the Super Riverside Stadium a week tonight to watch Boro in action against Real Mallorca, should be a good laff and Boro should triumph!

So lads enjoy work Tomorrow and Friday, al be thinking of ya when am sat in the back garden, in the glorious sunshine!!!!

P.S this is our 200th POST WOOHOOO!!!!!

Wednesday, July 28

The Weekend.

As soon as work finishes on a Wednesday night, my thoughts turn to the weekend, I have a monster works night out on Friday, this lass is leaving, well she left 2 months ago but this is the first opportunity for a works piss up, meeting in the Hoggs (man what a pub) at 4pm!

Then on Saturday, am not sure what am doing, probs end up going out with Mikey!

What are the rest of the boys plans for the weekend??

By the way August is going to be a monster month for me, this is am insight of my planned activities for this epic month, This Friday works night out, 14th Petes Birthday, 14th first game of the season, bring on the mags!. 19th York races, its a mega day out. 21st Dale and Emma's wedding, and before that I have to purchase my first suit, am a bit nervous like!


Walked to footy last night to watch Pierre strut his stuff on the pitch, well on the touchline anyhow. Got there and talked the talk with the Newton sisters bless 'em. Got a bit dizzy spinning around to watch two games at once.

Anyhow, can't recall any of the scores or owt but saw the best kick off in the history of seven a side football if not football. Tony Lane just booting the ball against his fellow team-mate and  calling him a f**cking wan*er had me laughing my arse off.

Perhaps Peter and Keith would like to elaborate.

Monday, July 26

Where is KG?

Regular Wallet readers will have noticed that only the Heaney boys are posting.

I'm sure you're wondering where the Groves is.

Well you can sleep easy. He's been signed up as the stunt double for Teddy Ruxpin, in the forthcoming Ruxpin: The Movie.

See him in cinemas soon!

ITV News

Switched the TV on at 6 and put channel 3 on (it will always be channel 3 to me).....How dramatic are the newsreaders?!


Just talk normal!! The news eh? Just get on t'internet.


Has Google died?

Or is it just me?

Sunday, July 25


Excitement is mounting here at the Wallet, the official fixture list for our Serbian heroes Vojvodina Novi Sad (from here on in known as VNS) has been announced.

They start the season at home to Obilic, whomever they care to be, on the 7th of August. I always thought Obilic was that fat twat from Asterix.

You can see the full fixture list here.

So come on lads! Get your full support behind our favourite band of oddly named Serbians!


How fast can ya read?!

I scored 300-350 on this reading test, which is above average apparently.

Fun Day

Yesterday I attended the first ever works Fun Day organised by my employer. To be honest I was looking forward to this as much as Chris Davies used to look forward to getting an injection at school. Got there at about 2pm and just hit the bar hard. First drink was free. Wahoo! There was barely anyone there from work, about 30% of all employees I would say.

Anyhow the actual fun consisted of a bucking bronco, an inflatable slide, two, count 'em, two bouncy castles, sumo wrestling suits, a tombola stand, a weird tent where you could have your hair braided or get a henna tattoo (yeah, like there coming off!) and of course David Llewellyn's fantastic Punch and Judy display. Papa Lazarou as he became known, with the best Phoenix Nights fairground music you've ever heard. It was basically a bunch of gypo's trying to earn a couple of bob.

The most fun though was in the bar. Of course.

Got absolutely hammered on Fosters and Smirnoff Ice mixed, Turbo Shandy if you will and soon I descended into a foulmouthed train wreck of a human being! No change there then. A barbecue spread was put on, hot dogs and burgers! Hotdogs were overcooked and the burgers were greasy as. But the bread buns were nice.

Soon the auction rolled round and, me being me, I managed to put a bid in on every item just to piss people off who really wanted it and keep raising the price. It was a dangerous game!! I've acquired half a gym membership for two months for free apparently! Can't be bad.

So a bit later on, since quite a few people never showed, there was lots of free beer tickets going round. Think I blaged two free pints and a vodka and coke and a couple of bags of crisps. Got asked to bring the sumo stuff in and give a hand but as I got over there I saw a goal was out so you know just had to have a kickabout for half hour, cracking goal I tell ya. You had to be there.

7pm rolled round and it was decided to go into Middlesbrough and carry on the drinking. I was pretty much well gone by now and the bus from Darlo back to Boro was hilarious. Telling kids to "shut it son!" and "be quiet" is strangely great.

Got to Town and went to Lloyds, PVRB here we come, oh yeah!! That'll be a Pint of Vodka and Red Bull no less. Aaaaaah, so sweet, so alcoholic, so good.

Think I had something else in here, can't think what but then we moved onto Yates which was class. So much booze in here, it was two for three quid, reckon I had five bottles in here (I was in rounds you see). Some serious dancing and boogeying on down to be had in here. Got attacked by some birds, which was nice! Plus got the Daft Punk, Franz Ferdinand Take Me Out remix played which got a thorough stamping to.

Got rather bored in here after a while waiting for the rest of the gang, so me and Matthew (a regular BW reader!) moved on to Barry Cuba and had a Blue WKD in here. Shite in here as well so we went to Walkabout.

Some top quality tunage in here, all the singalongs, Wonderwall, Put Your Hands On, Take Me Out (again), I Beleive in a Thing Called Love and loads more I can't remember. Got a "Happy 40th Michael" message played for me and then got attacked by them women from Yates again. Must have been that aftershave I was nicking from the Nigerians in the bogs.

"One for tha ladeeeez?!?"

Yes please and I'll have a handful of chuddy and a couple of Chupa Chups too while I'm at it.

Anyhow, Matthew lost all his energy whilst I was still buzzing about like a demented child so we decided to see if we could find the rest of the group who we left in Yates, but they weren't there so we went home. Well, I did, I dunno about him, he had £3.80 left and lives in Billingham but being a divvy he refused my offer of money. Hope the bus station was comfortable fella.

So to sum up me pretty low expectations turned into being a fairly decent day/night out. Reckon I had eight or nine pints, two Turbo Shandies, one PVRB, four Red Square, one Raspberry poof juice, one Blue WKD and two pints of water in Walkabout. Can't be bad! Just for my liver.

How was your Saturday boyos?

Saturday, July 24

Tanks Very Much.

Here. And you all know the tune.

Blogger's Block

I can't think of anything to Blog lately.

Things are moving pretty damn slow on the Wallet at the moment.

If it wasn't for Mikey's hyperactive brain then we'd have nowt.

This is that horrible down time of the summer. No-one is doing anything and no-one can be arsed to get out and find something.

Let's get this shit back on track eh lads?

Friday, July 23


I have never seen Keith as drunk as he was when I picked him from town tonight. Christ almighty.

Victor is Evicted!

My weekend will be spent in mourning. The Slickman, the rapper slash hit man, the original V I C, the gangster V I P....Victor has been evicted. I'm gutted! Don't people realise whats enetertaining these days? Man/woman Nadia to win it now.

Wednesday, July 21

In Reply to Corvis

Thanks for the comment Corvis.

Big Brother houses the finest set of human beings on TV in Britain, and quite frankly I'm sure Big Brother USA is just as good, don't diss BB. He's watching you ya know!

Soccer 7s Mega League

Well I decided to leave the palacial content of my bedroom and get some fresh air last night by attending Peter's third foray in Eston's league of 7  a side football. Got there about 20 minutes too late as Pete (pronounced in the same style as Pele, sort Pet-ay) had already been brought off. Oh and been substituted, Oooh matron!!

Yeah, so a bunch of peeps who I didn't particularly know played out a 3-1 I think. South Cleveland Garages? Who knows!? There was a far more interesting proposition on the pitch next to it.

After few meaty challenges, shoves and altercations it descended into chaos. The ref, some 45 year old pleb from New Mar'th'ke or somewhere like that struggled so hard to keep the peace giving it his best "Its only a game lads!!" . Football isn't a game, its not even about life or death, its more important than that.

Then after a few minutes the keeper of one team came rushing out and threw a punch! Then had his shirt ripped. Then about 4 other teamsters joined in, one of them landing a right hand worthy of Tyson. I tell you the noise it made when it connected is still echoing around the world. It was a corker!! Some fat geezer, the ref of the other game ran over and split them up.

Well anyway, after that Pete's team, the Game"snatch"ers played out a 0-0 draw with Disco Dale Millers team.

Tuesday, July 20

Big Bro

In the immortal words of Gorilla Monsoon, "Now we're getting down to the nitty gritty!"
Jason, Victor, Nadia and Dan are up for eviction from the remaining 7 housemates in this years BB House.
My predicition is one of the mighty jungle cats will be extinct come Friday.

This a spot on site with some class stuff, how its done I haven't a clue. Plus the amazing Xylophone!! Click here now.

"Lets get Groves into shorts for the stag do"

Looks like the "Lets get Groves into shorts for the stag do" is part over. It seems Keith lost 6 lbs just the other week.....when he had his head shaved. I'm starting to think this needs its own dedicated site.

My Head Hurts 2


Monday, July 19


Here's a pretty good read for you Oasis fans out there, which I know us three are. Its a pretty good site full stop but the song meanings bit, here, is very good.

Rather Funny

Some of this stuff is rather funny

Morning world!

I woke up at 6.26am this morning.

What's all that about?

Sunday, July 18

August 7th

Don't forget. It's my birthday. Soon.

My Head Hurts

Optical illusions eh?

How does it work?

This is pretty clever!

Spur of the Moment

It came as a surprise but I got the text through some time yesterday afternoon.
"Hean, need to be out at 6pm tonight."
Oh, I thought. Whats the crack here then? Rings him up, tiredness and skintedness had set in and wasn't up for a mega night out down town with that crazed up beer loon KG. But...the temptation set in, a few texts from Keith, a quick read of my blog of the night before and I soon changed my mind. Middlesbrough here we come!!!
Chris Groves, Keiths little bro took us up there, started in TS1, pint of Carling and a mega chat about the night before, Groves had been to Normanby but he hasn't even posted anything on it yet?! Including a truly hilarious 'never to be blogged' story about David Carr.
Supped that, the sun was shining on the poor lad and we all know how much he sweats! Moved down to The House, straight onto 'Word Up', the ultimate touch screen game. Got bored of that quite quickly and tried our hand at Millionaire and Stand and Deliver, or Hangman, as it should be known. When in marched Peter Duffy a former schoolmate and sent Keiths pint all over the place as he swung his arm round him! Two pints in here.
Cracked on to the pool game as well, KG actually won a quid on it!! I reckon you should enter the tournament.
Then we moved onto The Dickens Inn where we hyped up the Premiership season and Boro's chances, my prediction is 7th and quarter finals of the UEFA. Man Utd to win the league. Clocked a pint off in there.
Flagged a taxi down and went to Lloyds, taxi driver was a complete wanker who disagreed with everything I said, although some of the things I was saying were pretty bad!
Went to Lloyds and enjoyed for the first time in so long the sweet sweet taste of a pint of vodka red bull. A 'PVRB' as we christened it one mad night down Redcar. Class thing in here was Big Brother was on the plasma screen but there was obviously no sound so we had to do the obvious thing and make our own sound up with our fantastic impressions! "Pu pu pu pu pu pu!!" cried Victor.
Went next door to Yates, bumped into Pez (Lee Perry is his proper name, I think) who was a mate from college, got invited to his 21st birthday party at the Parklands. Got bought some stupid pink poof juice of a drink by Groves. It was quite nice actually! It was packed in here so we drank up and moved on now in a group with Pez and his mates. We were meant to all go to Huxters but the temptation of the Hogshead which is just before Huxters on the same road was too much. Drank a bottle of Reef in about 3 gulps which nearly made me chuck and KG won a  fortune on the Monopoly fruity and managed to lose Pez and his mates.
Gave the 'leaflet giver-outers' the usual stick who were outside the Hogs and went in Huxters. How packed?! The bar was four deep. So we 360'd out of there and went to Placid bar.
Again, another unbelievably packed pub, moved on again, getting thirsty now!! Two pubs, no success.
Barracuda....surefire hit and it was, got a Blue WKD in here after about ten minutes at the bar. Middlesbrough was truly packed last night.
Then where? Mind is fuzzy now. Oh yeah Absolut bar, fucking hilarious in here doing a 'rap off' to the beat of the music that was playing, oh man I was in tears.
God, covered some pubs last night. Marched across the road to Aruba, bumped into Darren Halpin a lad who used to work with me, he's in the Navy now. I think that's what he said but he might have just been singing YMCA songs.
Never noticed this before in there but there's a massive cinema screen type thing on the back wall which I thought was rather impressive. Dunno what we drank in here.
After Aruba we went to, jeez, memory is going, must have been Vienna. Oh yes its flooding back now, some truly memorable robotic dancing in here, some dangerous moves from the boys.
Then we went to Hush, the nightclub above Absolut.
Hush is one of the worse, most boring, featureless Nightclubs I've ever had the pleasure to have known. The silver stairs were more interesting. Absolutely shit in here. Don't go in. Ever!
Left there after one drink and went to Walkabout. Shut. Had a major argument with the bouncer, lightheartedly of course. "£12 an hour" he yelled at my offer of a bribe. So what! He only works about 10 hours a week. £120 a week? Yippee!!!
So we walked back down Albert Road to try Flares and that was closed!! Oh man.
"Lets try Cornerhouse Hean" suggested Groves. So we did, and it was empty. A subdued end to the night and I think we both knew it was time for home, taxi'd back after a double rat burger from the stand which I brought back up when I got in.
To summarise for the Drinks-o-meter: -

  1. TS1 - 1 pint of Carling
  2. The House - 2 pints of Carlsberg
  3. The Dickens Inn - 1 pint of Carling
  4. Lloyds - 1 pint of Vodka Red Bull
  5. Yates - 1 bottle of poof juice
  6. Hogshead - 1 bottle of Reef
  7. Huxters - nowt
  8. Placid - nowt
  9. Barracuda - Blue WKD
  10. Absolut - 1 bottle of Corona
  11. Aruba - 1 bottle of something
  12. Vienna - 1 treble vodka and coke. That might be why I feel so ill today.
  13. Hush - 1 bottle of something, again not sure.
  14. Walkabout - didn't get in
  15. Flares - didn't get in
  16. Cornerhouse - 1 bottle of lager

A classic night out I thought. I'll give it 8/10.

End of report.


Saturday, July 17

Goodnight everyone.

Going to bed now, feeling well pissed on the best part of a bottle of Dynamo White, Netto's finest white cider.


BW Pub Guide

Still no sign of the BW pub guide. Presumably MH and KG have spent too
much time checking the taste of the beer and not enough time typing.

Get your arses in gear boys! I'll have a couple of pubs to add I'm sure.


Ahmed from Big Brother has been evicted signalling the end of Hackmania.
Is the show going to go downhill from now? Will I no longer be able to ring Keith during the adverts of Big Brother to run through my series of impressions?
"I cuuhiiing for yoo Dahfeeena!!!"

Blog Update

Wow, check out all the fancy shit you can do when you post something now!
  • Bullets!
  1. Numbers!

Great fun.



Oh what a great hangover cure, the best episode of Eastenders ever was on UK Gold this morning, Grant and Phil nick the kids for Ian in Italy. Here's the plot, I'm sure the memories will come flooding back. Especially, the bit where Grant has the fight with the Munchkin!!!


Nightmare. Playing twice this week. Straight after each other.

First a load of dossers, then full scale warfare against Disco Dale Miller's team.

You can check our progress here. I play for Gamesnatchers. Apparently.

Works Night Out

Woooh!! What a corker of a night out, I can't really remember much but I'm sure as I type it will all come flooding back!!

I excidetly left work at 4pm, the coat was on at 3.45, sped home, within the limits of course and got ready.

Got picked at 6 by Andrew Garrens missus and took to Joe Rigatonis for our evening meal. Table for 30 no less. One end of the table was in Joe Rigatonis, the other was in the Dundas Arcade it was that big! I got completely wasted in there as I tucked into my delicious burger (how adventurous!). I think the mixture of five pints of fosters, the introduction of "Did she just shake her tic-tacs at me!" (which went down a storm all night), a hilarious atmosphere being sat next to Mr Garrens and the fact I was so pumped up for the night out.

Hilarious scenes ensued when the food was brought out, 30 people take some serving, talk about confusing!! The waiters were even having a go at each other, it was class. I have to say Joe Rigatonis is one nice place, now they've done the upstairs out as well.

Left there at God knows what time and wondered down to TS1. Had a pint, really starting to feel it in there, my threshold for booze is sorely lacking!!

Then we moved on to the Dickens Inn, where I really did lose the plot!

WARNING: Mobile phones and alcohol do not mix.

Rang the boss, rang Neil, rang Marie, rang Martyn, rang Keith. I was completely bollocksed. I was staggering about the place, taking photos and generally making a total arse of myself.

WARNING: Arc Lager sends you completely mental. See above.

Managed to compose myself a bit and sent a few apology texts before we were dragged to Yates Wine Lodge. Got a double vodka and red bull in there which cost about £7 (is red bull an endangered species?)then proceeded to have it knocked out of my hand by an overactive Andrew Garrens! He bought me something shit as a replacement, Red Square or something.

Moved on from there to Barracuda I think. If anyone asked me anything that happened in here, I would genuinely not be able to answer I was so far gone.

Then I'm not to sure where we went, I think we walked down Albert Road a bit and along towards Chicago, rang Emma and she was in Walkabout with the rest of the crew so we wondered up there.

Walked straight in to Walkabout without paying, "Big guy's paying for me". He got his comeuppance for spilling my red bull!

There was a band on in here, Radiostar, pretty good, I think I moved onto water in here, saw Mark Nevison in here as well. Andrew G took an almighty slip on the dancefloor and took a hell of a fal, how we laughed!! He left shortly after as did everybody else one by one. Mikey is the last man standing once again!!

Top class night out, 20th August is the next one I believe. Bring it on!!

Friday, July 16


The 300 hits barrier has broken....congrats lads and thank you readers!!


It is building a furious rate, I am so pumped up for tonight after another mind numbing week of boredom, arguments, shouting and stupidity...and thats just Big Brother...wahey! Middlesbrough is in for a full on attack of madness from yours truly. I'm fully kitted out in new gear, shoes, shirt and jeans..even some new aftershave.

The gang start in Middlesbroughs famous Italian restaurant, Joe Rigatonis, and then we'll move off down Southfield Rd. Watch out tomorrow for the full rundown.

Looks like Keith had fuck all to do today. Except find that putting a link in creates quite a cool little three dots in the sweet.

And Pete got home at you guys ever work?

Jesus, its 4.43pm...I'm off out at 6pm.

Bring it on!!

Ready for Athens?

Cards anyone?

Pretty Good.

Are Pete and Mikey off today???

Ahh, must just be me!!!

Well I have finally got out of the pit, stayed up late watching Telly.

Honestly right lads can you imagine life without SKY DIGITAL. The terrestrial channels are Shite.

Every now and then you get a corker of a programme like, Big Brother or Bad Lads Army. But these programmes are few and far between, This is how good SKY is, after Big Brother last night, i watched The Office Xmas special, follwed by a Classic episode of Only Fools and Horses (the one where Uncle Albert falls down the cellar) and then after that I watched Dirty Sanchez. And thats not to mention all the porn!!! I finally went to bed about 1am!

Aint done a lot so far today, chilled out watching The Golf on the owld BBC, however this tends to get a bit boring after about an hour.

Am going to the pub for my dinner, Norman Conquest, aint been in for years, so that should be alright.

No real footy news, however how lucky is Hernan Crespo? According to the Sun, after being loaned out to AC MILAN, Chelsea are still going to pay him £74,000 a week, plus the £20,000 a week he'll recieve from MILAN. Why dont chelsea just sell him??

Boro in NO new signing shock horror!!! However we look like having a healthy following next season, with season ticket sales near to sell out. And so it should be with the signings we have made, lets hope they all gel together quickly.

So Mikey's big works night out is tonight, no doubt he'll have ridiculous amounts of alcohol, and may even beat me in the old Units stake this week.


Thursday, July 15

I'm all alone

Hmmmm. No-one on messenger. No-one on AOL.

No new posts on this wonderous tome.

I wonder where everyone is?

I presume Dundas Dickfingers is in the boozer.

But where is Mikey? I know he's got a works night out tomorrow.

But he genenally lives in his bedroom, so he must have finally ventured into the outside world. Bless.


Wednesday, July 14

Goodnight everyone.

My final bit of theft from B3ta today, is this.


The best thing ever.

Test yourself

If you found yourself strangely aroused by the previous Dale Winton thing, then you might want to stop all of those sleepless nights wondering whether you prefer boys to girls by taking this little test.

By the way, I keep finding all of this homo stuff by accident, I'm not purposefully looking for it. Honest. Sweetie.

Big Brother

This years show, keeps getting better and better.

Me and Mikey do briliant impressions of most of the house, including a classic from Nadia "What ya gunna do Jason" and Ackmed's "its my night Davina"

Ackmed has offically flipped!

Victor to win!

Robin Hood

Nevermind your underground trains this is addictive. And violent.

The Burnley Wallet?

It's called the Burnley Wallet after the horrendous assassination move described by Paddy to Max in Series 2 of Phoenix Nights.

This was one of the funnier talking points of the night out in Redcar the night before the creation of said Blog.

It is also the origin of Grove's Dickfingers alias, but the additon of Dundas is a different story altogether. Isn't it?

Beckham, Balls and Money


Wednesday Evening

It's Thursday tomorrow, already!!! Hurrah! Night out with work is shaping up into a corker, over 30 peeps going out for the meal to begin with and abhout 15 staying out hopefully! Plus all the top night out people are going. Every workplace has them...the people who 'make' an average night out a memorable night out.

Introduced The Wallet to my boss Martin at work who's first question was "Why 'The Burnley Wallet'?" and do you know, it was damned difficult explaining...perhaps Pete could enlighten us!? Anyway he was most impressed with our efforts. Here's his dodgy bands website. The Directors, he's the maniac in the red shirt in the middle. (That'll be £10 please Martin.)

A massive 276 unique hits!!....celebratory pint for the 300th anyone?

Oh man, this is bad.

Shocking. Made me laugh though.

Tuesday, July 13

Football review!

I decided to take Pete's advice and attend the football, only as a spectator mind.

There was Blood, Sweat and Tears, and that was just me on the sidelines!

Disco Dale and his side went down 2-0, two poor goals to give away, altho the other side, had a blonde streaked Robbie Fowler lookalike up front, it may even had been Robbie Fowler. He were a good player.

It was a good laugh stood on the sidelines with Pete, Russell and Tony M.

Mid way through the game, Billy from Blacky turned up to a scream of 'Billy dya wonna a half?' laughter of 'Dont give Billy a half he'll be dancing round the goalpost' entertained the crowd.

All in all it was a good night, something different to do on a Tuesday night, al defo be there next week, Hopefully Pete will be back to full fitness, so I can shout abuse from the sideline.

Anyhow am off to watch Big Brother.

An ideal Chrimbo gift idea.


The Offical 150th post

Yet another cock up from Mikey, can't you count man?

Can I just echoe, Can I just echoe! Mikey's comments on the 150th Blog, lets keep it going lads.

I know it gets hard at times for things to blog about, but together we can achieve the best.

So a see Pete has injured himself at home, he'll do out to get out of any exercise!

A think I'll go and watch some of the other lads (try) and play football tonight.

I can't belive its only Tuesday, thats 3 whole days until the weekend, think I'll sample the delights of Normanby again on Friday, then do the huge pub review on Saturday night.

The plan is to try and get it finished for about 10.30 - 11.00ish then head on down to the town, to finish off the night.

Happy 150th!!

150 posts in the bag. And now I'm all blogged out, it's tiring stuff this blogging malarkey, particularly midweek when at work, damn you!

Still questioning where Peter got the dancer from. I really don't want to know.

The mighty Boro have slowed right down in the transfer stakes. They haven't signed anyone for four days now! Can't wait for Vojvodina to kick their season off so we can get right behind them.

A works night out awaits me on Friday night which is looking like a similar route to our last night lads....expect the full report on here before 10am Saturday morning. Can't wait for that one. We've tricked one of the lads into thinking it was a Hawaiian theme night so hopefully he'll be fully kitted out in Karmakula shirt....Keith, why don't you sell him yours?

Saturday night, me and the Keith will be giving it full on steam ahead in his bedroom. Working on the pub guide that is. I tell ya, some people have filthy minds.

My weight loss challenge has been taken in good spirits, particularly by me and Pete who have both lost a good ten pounds between us. When I picked Keith up from work tonight and asked how much he'd lost...

"I can't be f***ing arsed."

"You are gonna have major problems soon you know!!"

"Don't care, had a good life."

So, I'm urging all the BW Readers to voice their support in what I'm going to call "Lets get Keith into shorts for the stag-do" campaign. Please contact us if you would like to leave donations for gym equipment.

I am Bored, the source for most of our links is dissapointing today, in fact its totally frigging useless today.

And to end, it aired on Channel 4 last night, 101 things removed from peoples heads. Now, you all saw the advert....what, just what was removed from the black boys head? Other than half his brain.

So from me to you, happy 150th post Burnley Wallet, may you have many more.

Monday, July 12

So is Dale Winton gay or what?

Don't even ask how I found it.


No football tomorrow night loyal readers.

I had a small accident you see.

Myself and my lovely girl were shifting some old, unwanted, space consuming magazines.

Now, if you know me (and I know 2 of you do at least), I like to buy the odd magazine here and there.

So bin bags were torn as we tried in vain to shift 3 years of 4 magazines a week.

Lightbulb! Put them in the box they used to live in and then carry them out to the car!

So we got to the bottom of the stairs, when the f*****g box caved in.

And 70-80 magazines fell on my ankle.

Convinced that I'd broke it, I did the honourable thing and went pale green. I then applied a bag of frozen chips to the injury. We don't have frozen peas in our house, only the tinned variety, which would have caused more harm than good. Anyway, I digress.....

So no footy for me this week. I fear a kick in the ankle will finish me off. So a week away from the ultra competitiva second division for fat blokes who can play a bit and skinny blokes who look like they've never laid eyes on a football before.

I'll still go and watch though. Shout the lads on.

Pimpin ain't Easy!!

Not with a name like this anyway.

Thundercats - Part 2

As if the cartoon and the hilarious out-take wasn't cool play the game!!!

Ever fancied a job on the Underground?

Great fun for you train buffs out there. Pete.

Sunday, July 11

The Boro pub guide.

The offical (unoffical) Burnley Wallet pub guide, should be on your computer screens this time next week.

Me and Mikey H are gunna get our thinking caps on next weekend, and try to review the pubs we currently have in our list. Whilst getting pissed in the meantime.

The list contains pubs we have visited and had at least one alcoholic drink in.

I can tell you this, so far we have over 100 pubs in the list, its gunna take a few hours but it will be well worth it.

So keep tuned for the Ultimate Middlesbrough Pub Guide!

2004 Fatboy Challenge!

After the barrage of booze, burgers, parmo's and all the other shite we have rammed down our throats (oooh matron!!) over the years, the BW team has grown hefty round the midriff.

So I challenge you, fellow Burnley Walleteers, to lose a stone of lard by the end of August!!

I would like: -

- Photographic proof in the form of a picture of your bathroom scales
- A print out from a Boots/fellow chemist weighing machine.
- Witness testimonies, preferably from a fellow Walleteer.

I gave myself a head start with a heavy session on the exercise bike this afternoon though absolutely no pedalling was involved. Ho-ho!

You don't even have to be in the BW Team....the offer is open to all our readers!! Lets lose weight before the government makes us!!

Alcohol Count

Slightly feeble this week. Can we have your Unit total for this weekend?

I trust Dundas Dickfingers and his sorry excuse for a liver will have won again.

I drank 10 bottle of Corona while sat on my arse at home.

So, 10 x 1.5 = 15 weedy useless units.


Bare Naked Ladies anyone?


You Must be Over 18

In the words of Tenacious D...we are but men! Click here for some hot naked women.


The wallett grows.

A see we now have connections in Italy, some Milan fan commenting on Mikey's last post.

Also Lily has emerged again as a BW fan, commenting on the dancing bear.

Keep those comments coming fans.


It's Golf.

It's Pandas.

It's Golf and Pandas.

It's Panda Golf!

Though I'm not sure where the pandas are.

Saturday, July 10

Saturday Night Fever

Well Saturday night is here, I've managed to stay in. Two reasons, no-one to go out with and the thought of £70 odd quid going down the drain persuaded me to stay in.

Episode two of Dreams of Surreal has aired tonight. Part 3 of the 6 part series is approaching fast.

Fulham made their return to Craven Cottage today, this was an interesting story coming from the world of fussball today.

Just watched Big Bro, it is superb...but where was the live task?

In my last post I gave up on Saturday night TV which is funny because on Channel 4 as I type there is the "Who killed Saturday Night TV?" programme. Must have noted it sub-conciously.

The Cassini Huygens Saturn Probe is starting to show off now.

Er, well I'm tired, so I'm off to bed.


After giving up on Johnny and Denise, and basically Saturday night TV all together, I returned to my study and saw on my monitor...a conversation had been started by Keith....

"What ya up to Hean?"

Obviously I never responded, being downstairs in the entertainment lounge at the time.

"We have to do better than this mob. Followed by this link.

What is so unbelievable is that I had actually added the very same link to my favourites several hours earlier!! Great minds think alike.

No work for 2 days!

That's right its that time of the week again 'The Weekend'.

The place where you can chill out and forget going to work for 2 days.

And for me its the time to get really drunk.

Last night I sampled the delights of Eston and Normanby's finest drinking establishments. I started off in the Eston Institute WMC, where the lager is really cheap, then it was down to the Normanby, on to the Woody, down to the Stap and then finished in Club G. Which was Rocking on 'E' as the local phrase goes.

How cheap is going round NBY?? Went out with £20, came back with £3 in me pocket, must of had 9 drinks and a full parmo couldn't eat it all, so I shared it with me sister). I can just hear Pete and Mikey now, 'Yeah Right'.

Not sure what al be up to tonight, probs give Mickey H and bell later on, see what he's up to.

As Mikey said last night Boro have gone transfer crazy anwithrh the possibility of Geremi and Zenden to follow, its a good time to a Boro fan, just cant wait for the season to start.

I'm defo up for the 4th August, Middlesbrough (soon to Uefa Cup champions) Vs Real Mallorca at the Riverside Stadium in a pre season friendly, we'll find out who's up for it and I'll sort out the tickets and what not.

My Sky Bet account still reads £138, I think I'll keep that money in there and that will pay for my day at York races next month.

I See Becki has gone from BB5, never really liked thought she was well WEIRD!

As Mikey put it, HACKMEAD to win anyone?? 'HACKMANIA' will be be running wild if he does, it may even top 'ROOMANIA' when that was at its peak! But somehow I doubt it!

So lads enjoy your weekend!

In me best MOTTY voice.......

'This just keeps getting better and better.....'

Friday, July 9


I genuinely don't understand this.

Damned clever though.


Goddammit Groves, I never knew you were so damn funky!

Friday Round Up

Friday has reached us, already. It seems like only seven days ago I was berating Skybet for my rapid descent in fundings. Thats right, it was seven days ago.

I would on behalf of The Burnley Wallet team like to thank all the readers, regular and non-regular, who have made it possible for our hits to sail through the 200 mark!! Heres to another 200.

Now, clicking on the Wallet to have a read through this afternoon, I noticed 5 comments for Peter's fantastic idea of the car vs train Top Gear rip-off. I can only see 4. Is anyone else getting rather annoyed at's reliability? How many times must a man refresh!!

I noticed under my "30 things to do before you're 30" post some Anonymous Loser has posted a defense of Dean "Dude, please" from Big Brother. Ha-ha! It must actually be Dean-o himself cos I'm quite certain he has no fans. And he was by no means funny.

My artistic outlet has hit the airwaves in the form of Dreams of Surreal. It's weird I know but you know, I enjoy that kind of stuff and it is no way affiliated with the Wallet. Episode 2 coming this weekend some time I imagine. Free advertising, can't beat it.

Hoping the Grovesy gives in to temptation and accompanies me on a pre-emptive strike of Middlesbrough/Redcar town centre for top lashings of ginger beer! Or indeed, several Coronas and lime. Perfect conversation material being the Pub Guide which I'm led to believe has surpassed the 100 pubs mark wihtout even adding Peters list!! Keiths got the cogs turning and is giving it 110%. And thats just in the Eston Institue tonight.

Becki vs Hackmed in BB5 tonight, who goes, we decide apparently. My pick is for Hackmania to be still running wild come 9.30pm. "I'm coming for you Davina!!". The loon. Becki to go.

Football appears to have gone insane over the last few days. Middlesbrough FC at the core of the lunacy with three amazing signings, Michael Reiziger, Mark Viduka and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. I'm expecting big things from them three, particularly the strikers. Keith Lamb, Boro's Chief Exec has promised more signings!! Peter Crouch has put to pen to paper with Southampton. Ian Harte has signed for Levante as well.

I'm well up for the Boro friendly on the 4th August, you will have to remind me who its against. Perhaps it could be a birthday present, a ticket that is and not a place in the first eleven! I remember how good Alaves was two years you? Apart from the rain that is.

Staying with football, Vojvodina Novi Sad's early history is here.

Had a half day holiday today, went to Asda, Southbanks favourite supermarket and treat myself to £20 worth of unleaded for the Punt-oid and two DVDs, Big Fish and Lost in Translation. Both are superb. Well worth a viewing. Borrowed Dumb and Dumber off Keith "its my favourite film" Groves. I have to say it was just pure genius. Just cracked me up. It's such a cack story. There's just something about it.

Say goodnight JV! Goodnight JV!

Thursday, July 8

Suggestion for something to do.......

Remember that mad Car/Train race thing on Top Gear?

We should do that. Mike and Grooves on the Intercity and me pegging it down the motorway to London in the motor.

We could start from M'bro railway station, then you'd have to go to Darlo, change trains and we could see who was first to get to a certain place.

What do you reckon? You'll have to wait until I get paid though.

Boro look like signing JFH!

Well, it doesn't seem like Breaking news anymore as you probably now know, that Jimmy Floydd Hasselbaink looks like signing for The Boro, this would be a great signing and I think he would link up great with Boro's other new signing Mark Viduka.

That takes our summer signings to 2 at the minute, (jimmy aint signed yet)it promises to be an exciting season at the Riverside this season. We still need a left sided midfielder and if reports are to believed that seems to be Bolo Zenden.

Come on Boro!

Hey, it's the Fonts!

Please help us change the fonts.

We are only dummies after all.

(See what I did there, with the title? Happy Days reference. Ho-ho.)

Tempting Fate

So does anyone else believe in tempting fate? The fact the Keith used a testicular cancer scare as an excuse to stay off work would in some mystical way give him testicular cancer in the future? Eeesh, its a classic. I shall have to use it one day.


Well done Peter on the additon of a links bit to the page. The Burnley Wallet continues to reach new unknown territory on the net. So I wonder, how do we change the font. Perhaps one of our regular readers will know. Help, anyone?

Wednesday, July 7


I would on behalf of the team like to congratulate Keith for getting the big ALL CLEAR on his testicular cancer!!

Seriously though, did you genuinely use "I've found a lump on me balls" as an excuse to stay off work whilst at Centaur?

Classic wind up!

Those that read the Evening Gazette will know they are running a competition, 'Grab a Grand'

Well after returning from the hospital, our mam goes. Go and enter that Gazette competition Keith, so off I went to the phone to answer the simple question, How many pennies in a pound? (even I couldn't get that wrong)

The rules are the winner will be contacted by telephone shortly after 8pm

So it gets to 7.55pm and I decide to go upstairs with Mobile phone in hand!

I dialed our home number, and in my most suave and enthusiastic voice I said the following "Good evening, could I speak to Keith Groves please?" our mam replies "who's speaking please?" "Its Michael from the Evening Gazette's, Grab a Grand competition, I'm delighted to say he's won tonight's draw" is my reply, An over excited Mrs G shouts up the stairs "Keith you've won the Grab a Grand". I got to the phone and said "Sorry not interested" Our mams face dropped, I then revealed to her it was all a joke! Our mams reply "you bastard"!!

Just got back...

From the hospital, finally got that lump removed from me left testicle!

Only joking, been visiting our Kathryn who has had her tonsils out, she's alright and will be home 2mrw.

With us half way thru the week, my thoughts now turn to the weekend, whats the crack, Pete cant make it so does that just leave me and Mikey? Doesn't matter how many turn up I know I wil be pissed so I dont care!

A repeat of last weekend will go down a treat, the route we took last week may be the best route in the town, altho I would swop Chicago Rock for another night club!

So roll on Friday @ 3.30pm when I leave work and start drinking!


Well this completely cracked me up. C'mon you remember Thundercats right?

Weekend starts somwhere......

I will not be accompanying Messrs. Heaney and dickfingers this weekend due to my finances reading like a Greek goals conceded column.

I do however, have 12 bottles of Corona stashed in the fridge. And a lime.

This Weekend

With the impending bigness of Pete and Jo's wedding and of course the collosus-ness of Pete's stag do for us "good time all the time" boys, me and the Groovester.....what does the weekend hold for us? Quite simply refuse to stay in. What say you BW Team? Any suggestions from our regular readers?

Boro Site

Just a note to Keith "Whats a Modem?" Groves, we aint all members of MFC's site. What does it cost to be a member? Apart from, you know, a bit of integrity.


This is a devil face in the smoke of the 9/11 disaster. But is it altered/edited for effect?

Football - Last Night

Got beat 2-1.

Conceded a last minute farce of a goal.

I played the first half and the last ten minutes.

And I ache like a bastard this morning.

Tuesday, July 6

Good Evening

Right lads considering I aint blogged for a few days, well one, thought i would, well basically, BLOG!!!

It looks like Pete is getting a bit bored of the wallet and needs something to keep him entertained.

So fans of the wallet get suggesting, we NEED you! Without you we are nothing!

Talking to Mikey yesterday I came up with a corker of an idea for a little side venture to the blog, THE BURNLEY WALLET PUB GUIDE, Mikey has sorted the website out, so watch this space for a monster review of every pub we have visited. (it may take a while like)

Am sure Pete is at Footy tonight, wonder how he got on, no doubt he will let us know later on.

Boro have today made there fist summer signing, Michael Reiziger on a free transfer from Barcelona, and with Mark Viduka and hopefully Bolo Zenden arriving shortly, things are shaping up nicely for us Boro fans.

Hey Mikey, crackin blog lad on the 30 things to do before 30, I will try and comply mine in the near future. Altho one point I noticed, you r gunna have to learn to swim first before you can accomplish SWIMMING WITH DOLPHINS!


I am, as they say in the North East, chuffed! Typing Mike Heaney into Google, the worlds most popular search engine might I add, and there I am. Ova' tha Moon.

30 Things to do before you're 30

So, you did ask. Here's my 30 mostly achieveable feats for you to acomplish.

1. Swim with dolphins in a foreign sea
2. Visit a country in every continent
3. Go to the Grand National
4. Go to the Monaco Grand Prix
5. Get barred from more than three pubs on the same night out.
6. Attend the Munich Beer Festival
7. Make your own Jackass style tape of stupid stunts.
8. Send it to You've Been Framed
9. Score 180 in darts twice in a row whilst playing someone.
10. Get sent off for punching a ref.
11. Have a week off sick from work, but go to Blackpool on the piss with your mates.
12. Watch a major sporting final in a different country.
13. Win over $1,000 in one bet in Vegas.
14. Gatecrash someones a celebrity party, and get away with it.
15. Break a world record. (that tosser on Big Brother did it)
16. Get in a national newspaper with a surreal story (a la Uncle Reg)
17. Bungee Jump
18. Talk your bosses into giving you a payrise.
19. Spend a night in the cells. Just the one mind you.
20. Organise a stag do. Well, be a best man basically.
21. Wreck a car.
22. Build an extension on your house.
23. Quit your job.
24. Race a Ferrarri round Silverstone.
25. Have something named after you.
26. Go Scuba Diving
27. Tour Europe's finest cities.
28. Do a Canonball Run style race with a load of mates.
29. Have children
30. Enjoy yourself.

Who ya gonna call? Like?

Ah memories of endlessly walking around Whale Hill Community Centre to the Ghostbusters theme at my 5th Birthday come flooding back, will have to dig the photos out and have a reminisce. Check this out.

Coming Soon

The Official Burnley Wallet Pub Guide! Well, probably in about 18 months knowing us.


We are simple souls.

We work, we sleep, we drink.

But now we're bored. Even Dundas Dickfingers has got tired of rolling around in his money pit, only surfacing for gulps of fiver enriched air.

So, we challenge YOU, the visitors to this suddenly very limited website, to give us something to do.


We have no money though. So unless funding is forthcoming, outrageous drinking is off the cards.

Please leave us your comments. WE'RE DYING TO HEAR FROM YOU. LITERALLY DYING.

Caps Lock..............grrrrrr.......

Monday, July 5

Betting update

Since Dundas Dickfingers became the luckiest man in europe, the betting thing has gone to the wall somewhat.

So chaps, we need something else to hold our interest. Obviously we will do a fantasy football when it comes round, but until then we need something to keep the Wallet regulars (if indeed there are any) entertained.

Any ideas?

EEK! It's nearly Tuesday again!

My stop start football career will continue on Tuesday. After the debacle of last week, I will probably have to be content with a place on the bench. Well, not so much on the bench, more sort of stood around messily on the touchline.

If you fancy a laugh come and watch. I am so shit it's unbelievable. As the song says.

A sad loss........

Unfortunately, that wonder site and precursor to the wallet, HEANEY'S RAMBLING, is no more.

It has shuffled off this mortal coil.

May it rest in peace. May it live forever in Internet heaven with Audiogalaxy.

We remember it fondly.

Sunday, July 4

Sunday update.

Just an update for ya lads.

The Middlesbrough masters triumphed in the Northern Masters last night, beating Sunderland 5-0 in the Final! Good owld Bernie topping the goal scoring charts with 6 goals! We just can't stop winning things these days, first it was the Carling Cup, then the Youth cup and now the Masters, Uefa Cup next a tell ya.

My Sky bet account needs reads, £138.50, after a repeat of what I did on Friday night, Lucky Dip on 2 number @ odds of 66/1, numbers 4 and 30, they romped home!!

Get in!

The Euro 2004 final kicks off at 7.45, I'm predicting 0-0 after 90 mins and the Portugese to win on Penalties.

Back at work tomorrow, nightmare.

But what a weekend!

Oh Pete have ya found out when circut training is?

The count is in.......

A feeble 22.5 units. But not too bad considering I wasn't going to drink too much.

And felt fine this morning!

Unlike my dear brother.

Saturday Night - Continued

Well all that happened to Mikey and Dundas Dickfingers happened to me also.

However, I have a few more moments of hilarity to send forth.

The tramp was seriously abused. We sang (to the tune of 'Three Lions):

You've got no home,
You've got no home,
Yo've got no,
Trampy's got no home.

And of course, the legendary:

I'm a-livin' in a box,
I'm a-livin' in a cardboard box.

Gave Lil' Roids a piggy back down Albert Road, nearly puked as she strangled me. Possibly for calling her a ginger bitch on her answerphone message. In the best possible taste, obviously.

Saw loads of fights kick off, met what appeared to be Sir Bobby Charlton in Chicago's, and banged my head on one of those low hanging lights.

Can't remember much else. I'll post my alcohol unit count when the Supercomputer spits it out.

Hey, you've been a great audience, but I gotta go and get some sleep.

Mikey's Night Out Review

The BW Team launched themselves into a full on assault of Middlesbrough Town Centre's finest hostelries last night and got thoroughly pissed up.

Me and The Groves kicked things off early in the Hogs Head, downing two pints of Stella, seducing £25 of the fruit machines and finding the best touchscreen game ever in Word Up, it's a classic.

Left there, spent a good 20 minutes tryign to get a taxi in the pissing rain, got absolutely soaked. Ended up nearly halfway there before I got one, had to track back all the way for Keith and then we finally got there! Met Peter in TS1, moved onto a lovely Corona and lime bottle, two in fact as we discussed the global domination plan for the Wallet.

Then we moved on to The House, Budweiser in there and introduced Pete to the delights of "Word Up"....touch screen Boggle basically, make as many words as you can. With three of us playing at the same time it all got very confusing!

Erm, then where? Starts to get a bit hazy now.

Ah yes, The Dickens Inn. Downed a Smirnoff Ice in there then swiftly mioved up the road to The Southfield. More Smirnoff Ice in there and rang the girlies up who were out down the other half of town for Emma's (shes the one with the red eyes in our picture album) hen night. Then straight off back round the corner to The no. 6! Drink no. 8, more Smirnoff Ice! Served by that truly weird gadge with the beard who asked if I had a NUS Yellow Card..."No, I have a job." was my reply.

Then where? Oh yes a truly hilarious jaunt down Linthrope Road, via McDonalds where we played cath the chip in your mouth, a game invented by me on the spot, creating hilarious consequences. What is it about going in Maccie D's when pissed up and just wanting to destroy everything and humiliate everyone in there? Oh, its just me then is it? Why was I wearing a cone as a hat? Any one get a pic? Just the CCTV eh?

So we left there and carried on down the street towards Barracuda, to meet the lovely ladies on the hen night. Excellent!

As we walked a shadowy figure across the paving piped up..."Spare any change lads?" Homeless he was. What a torrent of abuse he received!!

We managed about five different songs, in the style of football chants...

You're not going home,
you're not going home
You're not going, you're not going
You're not going home!!

You've not got a postcode, you've not got a postcode, la la la la oooh (in the style of the conga).

Hilarious! But wrong.

Anyway onwards me marched to Barracuda, where I instantly began chatting Emma, the Hen, up. No stopping me when I've had a drink, but my eyes were quickly averted to her dirty looking sister, Rachel! Yowza!! Loads of fit mates Emma, did you seem them?! Got something to drink in there, not sure what. Took a picture of Emma taking a picture of me. If I can work out how its done, I shall post it on the album.

Then we bumped into Jo, Petes fiancee, who was out with Emma and also Jo's brother Phil and his entourage of hard knocks! If they go on Petes stag do, he isn't coming home alive.

Left there after one drink, went to Absolut Vodka Bar, the former Ayresome Park. Slammed another Smirnoff Ice into me in there, I think. That was Pub no. 8. Drink 10. Or did we have two in there? Can't remember.

Then we went to Aruba across the square, £2 in, packed, Rachel Newton, Emma's sister bought this crazy cream drink which I stole half of. Her arse must of been red raw this morning the amount of slaps pinches and spanking it received from various sources, me included! What did we drink in there? Not a clue.

Then yet another pub, Vienna, where we sat in a concrete beer garden. I had totally forgotten this one in my first post of this.

Then to Chicago Rock, where Keith and myself managed to acquire two wigs! Oh man, it was classic! See the pics on the album for proof! Absolutely wasted by now. Got it on with Charlotte in here. Then we left, lost Charlotte, Pete and Jo who I was meant to be sharing a taxi home with . Keith had gone for a Boro Special..a mega Parmo, so I was left on my lonesome with a £10 taxi fare facing me. Nah...initiative prevailed.

"Groves? Where are ya?"

"Pizza shop"

"Taxi home on ya bill?"

"Where are ya Hean? I'll find ya."

The thought of ten brick leaving Keith G's wallet made him think twice!

Awesome night out!!

Same time next week boys?

Last night.......

Put a couple of hairy photos on the picture site boys, any chance of remembering your unit count for last night?

The morning after the night before....

Well Sunday afternoon, not long been up, got a slight hangova, nothing mega tho!

Here is a recap of what was a classic Burnley Wallet night out.

Me and Mikey started early, got a lift into the town, and straight on to our first pub, The Hogshead. A few pints of Stella were consumed and new quiz game 'Word Up' was discovered. Me and Mikey were addicted, we couldn't leave it alone, feeding it pound after pound!

Eventually it was knocking on for 7pm, the time we were due to meet Pete in TS1, its normally in walking distance from the Hogs but it was lashing down, so after we eventually flogged down a taxi we arrived in TS1. After a few bottles of Corona Extra (with lime) it was on to The House.

In the House we continued to play 'Word Up' we eventually beat the machine, and won a £1 WOO HOO!!!

From the House we went to the 'Dickens' where there is some seriously nice looking ladies! A bottle of Bud was consumed by me good self, AM sure in this pub is where we branded ideas around for Pete's stag do, and if I remember correctly it looks like either Magaluf or Tenerife. All 70 of us, so Magaluf or Tenerife you have been warned!

From the Dickens it was on to the Southfield, more Corona Extra (with Lime) was drank and Mikey had Phone Sex with Emma! Only jokin Dale!

The Crown was the next port of call, Personally I don't like it here but the lads fancied a quick one in here, surprise surprise a bottle of Corona Extra (with Lime) was drank, I lost quite a bit of money on the fruit Machine in here!

Pete was feeling quite peckish so we stopped off at Maccy D's so Pete could get some scran, Mikey being Mikey couldn't possibly go in and not have some chips! I think he threw most of them at me! Mikey also clowned around with a cone!

Outside of Maccy D's was this beggar and we gave him some serious shit! Chants of 'Your not going home' and 'You don't have a post code!' spring to mind!

It was then off to barracuda, a personal fave of mine, were we met up with Joanne and Emma and the rest of her hen night posse! A bottle of Bud was drank in here.

From Baracuda we went marching onto Absolute, a new pretty smart bar where I had more Corona (with Lime).

We then went across the road to Aruba, with the aforementioned ladies, A think we were all starting to feel it a bit in here! Nothing much really happened, just chilled out with a bottle of Corona Extra (with Lime).

After Aruba we left the ladies in there with the idea to meet back up with them in Chicago Rock, So off we went to Vienna Bar, the heat in there was unreal, so after getting served we headed for the beer garden, Vienna is probably one of Middlesbrough's most popular bars, its always busy and full of lovely ladies! So after a Smirnoff Ice, it was off to Chicago Rock to meet back up with the lasses.

We had to queue and pay a Fiver (which mega bucks Mikey so kindly paid) to get in, am not a big fan of Chicago, its more for the 30+ people of Teesside, but we went in anyways, and al hold me hands up, it was AWESOME.

I'm not to sure how this happened, am sure the other lads will fill in the blanks, but I ended up with a Bobby Charlton like wig on, check out the pic!! I saw one of the lads from Eston, who couldn't talk to me thru him laughing at the state of me hair, and what made it more funny was that his mate actually thought it was my REAL hair!

The time was getting on for bout 1ish now and I was starting to feel it, so I decided to make a sharp exit and head off to the pizza shop for a PARMO! People other than Teessiders will be like 'Whats a PARMO, well until ya taste you will never know how nice they are, its a piece of chicken, coated in parmesan cheese, with chips, Middlesbrough's very own!

From the Pizza shop I walked up Albert road towards Walkabout to get a taxi, I passed a lass from work, who so drunk , that they wouldnt let her in Hush, never mind eh Steph!

As I was waiting for me taxi, a gets a ring off Mikey sayin "Ow Chief were are ya" I told him were I was, then we waited for the taxi, Mikey then got back on the blower to Charlotte, who was staying at Pete's house, so they arranged to meet there, and al let Mikey let you know how he got on!

Go on son!

Drink count = 2 pints of Stella
7 bottles of Corona Extra (with Lime)
2 bottles of Bud
1 Smirnoff Ice
2 bottles of Vk Orange

So there is my review of the night out! If I have missed anything out am sure the lads will let me know!

Saturday, July 3


Congratultations lads on our 100th post.



As Time Goes By

I think we should do this. I thought it was David Blaine one of them and it was a magic trick. Look at Mattias in 1999!


Well then, Saturday afternoon, counting down the hours until tonight.

Should be a corker of a night, Me and Mikey gunna start monsterishly early at 6.00pm in the Hoggs Head for a few fine pints of Stella, plus a couple of quid in the Fruity!

Man I wish they would ban them coin robbing machines from the pub!

Couple of updates for ya's.

Well Last night I won £67.00 on the Ballseye game, I had a lucky dip on 2 numbers to be drawn, the numbers were 8 and 18, and low and behold those numbers were drawn. I already had £26 in the bank, so this took me to almost £100 in the bank. I then proceeded to have a couple of daft horse racing bets but no joy.

Today I have backed Powerscourt in the Coral Eclipse @ Sandown, so fingers crossed!

A see Sky have announced there games for the up and coming footy season, Were on twice in the first 2 weeks. I believe the game against Arsenal is a bank holiday Sunday, so an All day sesh lads, just like last year??

At 3 o'clock this afty LIVE on Sky, its the Northern Masters, Boro tackle Sunderland , Blackburn and Newcastle, its a tournament for former stars aged 35 and over, so Come on Boro!

So lads who's up for getting so drunk we need our stomach's pumped tonight?

Roll on 6.00pm!


My betting account is empty. Though I have three bets yet to be settled. This could be a comeback of epic proportions, but considering Keith won colossal amounts on Ballseye last night (I'm surprised he hasn't posted yet) I can't see it happening.

Friday, July 2

For Sale

Well, I've put my unused drumkit up for sale with some seriously bad lines in my description. If I knew e-bay was a scomplicated a sit is I would never have bleeding bothered. How hard can it be? It took me about 90 minutes to put the one item on! I'm sticking to the Gazette.

Drumkit for Sale!

Why on earth did I buy these?

Drinks plan for tomorrow

Right chaps. A bit of TS One for a few pints of the simply superb ARC, then a bit of the House. Hopefully that mad magician geezer will be in there. Then on to the Southfield, then the Dickens.

Then the walk down Linthorpe road to the Crown, and then maybe (time permitting) a swift half dozen in Isaacs.

Then Chicago Rock? Please comment on this if you can think of any other supreme locations.

Oh yeah, what was the 20-20 or whatever it was called like Mikey?

Hot Date

Dating ad.

Love the fact the guy who's posted it actually explains why its, it kinda says the same thing in the advert.

The Weekend Starts Here!

Yes people, it's the weekend again!

Drink even more than last weekend if you can! If you've got no money then just shop at Netto!

It's been a funny week all round, but a good one. I'm getting married, returned to the world of football, discovered the Sad, had a few beers and won some money.


Betting update

Owing to my previous betting record I'm quite startled to find a ludicrous 13 quid floating about in cyberspace. Plainly I'm doing something right. At last.

Mikey's Friday Gambling Update-o-rama

So, Pete set the challenge, £10 each, open a betting account and see who has the most money when we decide to stop. Five minutes later I was signed up, £10 deposited and away I went.

For my first visit I headed to the football section, specifically Portugal vs Holland, the first semi of Euro 2004.

I had £1 on Deco to score first and Portugal to win 1-0 in their semi-final. I lost.

I had £1 on Portugal top win on penalties. I lost.

But I've had £1 on them to win the whole tournament, and seeing as they went through and now play Greece, I could be on for a small return off that one.

Then my other main interest this summer, I've put a £1 on Stuart to win Big Brother.

And, I've put a £1 on Brazil to win the Copa America at 3/1

So from £10, I bet £5, lost £2 and have £3 still awaiting results.

Balance Remaining...£5

My second visit led me to Ballseye. Its Sky's version of the lottery, only a draw takes place every 120 seconds. This may cost me some money. I familiarised myself with the gist of it and managed to lose about £4 of my remaining £5 in 10 minutes. I then won back a couple of quid. I then won 81p. I then lost 81p. I gave up when I had a straight £3 left.

THen yesterday after receiving a tip from Keith, which I was a little dubious abiout....was he trying to put me off the gambling trail?.....but, I held faith in the lad...he's not that clever you see.....and ended up winning.

Current balance...£5.00.

I get the feeling I'm coming last. Well, thats what I always tell the ladies ;)

Thursday, July 1

Good Evening.......

Now then.

Night out Saturday, cant wait gunna get absolutely wasted and make an arse of meself!

Tony M and his jacket is an absolute LEGEND!

All together now. Tony M, Tony M, Tony, Tony M
He's got no hair
But we don't care
Tony, Tony M.

Away lets get all the lads out for a monster piss up. The town will be rocking.

I'm fully behind this Serbian football team, maybe Boro could meet em in the Uefa Cup??

Am I currently winning the Betting comp?? I have £20.80 in the bank.

Me hair is even shorter now, number ONE all over!

Just done a mega 12 hrshiftt at work, and am knackered,plus the Russian version of Big Brother is about to start so.......MOSCOW!

Vojvodina Novi Sad

The Burnley Wallet is overjoyed to announce it has become the unofficial sponsors of Serbia and Montenegro's third favourite team, Vojvodina Novi Sad.

Here's the official site.

Us boy's at the Wallet will be tracking their progress throughout the season.

C'mon the Sad!!!

Saturday Night......

I just can't wait for Saturday!

Hopefully should be more than four of us, I think big legs Miller will be coming but unfortunately not his short tongued brother. Maybe even Stevie Murks may make a guest appearance, but I doubt that Claire will let him out with the boys. Ever. I'll even ask Totsy. God bless his stapled head.

I think we should start nice and early, ie 6 bells in a nice airy pub for a few practise pints in the hopefully beautiful conditions. Then we'll make our way into the town, for a night of tomfoolery.

Then to the Bongo for a finisher!

Night Out

Is it a bit of Middlesbrough Town Centre for Friday/Saturday? We are of course graced by the presence of Tony M, and his jacket. Should be a cracker of a night I think.

My Drinks-o-meter prediction is 30 units plus. I'm in the mood to get obliterated. I'm sure the good man Groves is more than up for it.

I can taste it already. Can't wait.

What's the best night out you boys have ever had?

I have so many, but my personal favourite has to be my 21st with work - just 4 months ago beleive it or not. Kicked off at 5pm. Sank 2 pints, 1 single vodka and Red Bull, 7 treble Vodka and Red Bulls and three shots of some green stuff before 8pm. Sort of lost the plot and have no memory from 8.30ish onwards, regained my bearings at about 12ish and was one of the last people standing. I think the best thing was the amazing turn out I got, there'd never been that many out for a works do before and never has been since. Covered 8 pubs, 1 nightclub, about 28 drinks, a spot of pole-dancing, god knows how many units of alcohol, three fallings over and the longest ten yards ever, walking from the taxi to the front door of the house. All this and I only spent about £20. And even better it was all photographed! Cracking night out.

See if you can better it lads. I'm sure Pete's had some belters in his youth. And of course every night out Keith's had with me have all been corkers.

Nights out eh? You just can't beat them.


Well my £10 is down to £3. Already. Ballseye is rigged.

What's the crack lads? Are we going to do a weekly betting report? Or just as and when?

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