Tuesday, July 7

This is the end, my friend

This is it. After 5 years of fun, laughter and sporadic updates, we're closing this once mighty site down. It'll still be here, at least until Blogger notice this post (and let's face it, they will be one of the 5 or so who will actually read it) and delete the blog altogether.

We've had some great times over the last half-decade. Cakes, booze, parmos, music, sport and grizzly bears breakdancing have all featured. We were even funny, sometimes.

We'd like to thank some people, who helped over the years, or bigged us up elsewhere; Glen off OI, Scribbler off Mercury Vapour for linking to us for years with mixed results, the OI forum for messages of support, we love you all (but not like that, natch).

Thanks to our 'friends' Nathan Paylor, Bruno Tate, everyone we upset in Blackpool when we went. And so many more!

We'll still exist, of course. I can be found on OI ranting about films and telly. Mikey can be found almost exclusively on Xbox Live, and KG can be seen flitting from pub to pub on Southfield Road singing the theme from 'Casualty' at the top of his lungs. Come and see us, we'd love to meet you again!

Bye everyone.


Friday, June 5

KG - A Life in Pictures

Monday, May 25

Football Review

Yeah, OK, it's not actually finished with yet for the big clubs, but for us in the basement it's done and dusted. This is my favourite bits and pieces from the past season, which despite Boro's total incompetence was quite entertaining anyway. Premiership only as well, because I might not get the cnace to type 'Premiership' again for a number of years, barring my job application for Chief Political Editor being accepted by the Times.

These are my favourites, and you will no doubt disagree with some.

Match of the season: For me, it has to be one of the 4-4 draws. But seeing as one left Honest Harry Redknapp smiling like a Cheshire Cat, and the other pretty much knocked the fat Spanish Waiter out of the title race, I know where the prize is going.

If you could go back in time 15 years and tell and Arsenal fan that their team would draw 4 four each at Anfield, they would have laughed you out of the room. But these days, Wenger's football purity program demands attacking invention over all, so Arsenal are the 1970's Total Football of the new millennium, and as such, are incredible to watch at times. For Liverpool, an indication that they're not quite there, and that they are still a 2 man team.

Player of the season: Andrei Arshavin. He's incredible for Russia, we know that, but surely the Premiership will be too strong for him? Nonsense. Strength is more often than not a mental rather than a physical act. His lung-busting 80 yard sprint to receive a killer pass on the break at Anfield showed he was quite able to fit in in this 'rough and tumble' league. Plus, he only played half a season. A true shame that he's at his peak now, and we won't have him for too long.

But why not Ronaldo, Giggs, Gerrard, Torres? It sounds odd, but they just 'do' what they're supposed to 'do', if you understand what I mean. They'll always be there, you expect that, but Arshavin was completely unexpected, the delivery of promise for once, after all the hype.

Laurel and Hardy award for services to comedy: Mike Ashley. Keegan's back, and on the first day he's grabbed a draw that by all accounts could have been a win at Old Trafford. Then his weakened team has slipped a bit, so out he goes. Ashley can't be seen to be in control of a decent side, right? So he gets Joe Kinnear in, who makes his side so nailbiting and ludicrous that eventually his heart gives in. So in comes Shearer, given eight days as the Messiah (after which I assume he will be crucified) to turn things around.

Sadly, it wasn't to be. Sky Sports News organised a day of mourning for 'everyone's second team'. Hearty guffaws were heard around the Sunderland area, but I'm not quite sure what they've got to laugh about.

Calamity of the Year: Plenty of contenders, but they most likely had Garmin writ large on their shirts.

Tactical decision of the year: Boro, needing a win at home to escape the relegation mire, play Blackburn. Gareth Southgate names an attacking line up containing 5, count 'em, 5 centre backs. Boro are delighted with their clean sheet, but unsurprisingly not their failure to get three points.

Most looking forward to next season: The 10,000 strong Golden Mile invasion task force, and then wrecking the place after a bungling 2-1 loss against Blackpool.

Goal of the Season: Wasn't a goal. But if Tuncay had scored, it would have won Goal of the season for the next ten years. The Turk received the ball into feet, back to goal, with Jamie Carragher closing in. Tuncay dug his foot underneath, let the spin on the ball do the work, Carragher was lost in his own little world, but then Reina had to get in the way. Selfish Spanish git that he is.

Sunday, May 24


There are some pretty amazing things on Youtube, but this is one of the best.

Wednesday, May 20

By Special Request

Yeah, so, er, we're (I'm) back, from a short holiday, but a big Wallet break. What have we been up to? Well, I went to Lanzarote for a hiking holiday where I drank some really nice beer and was taunted by Geordies, even though they made it very apparent they hated the Mackems more than they hated Boro.

Mikey and KG went to Krakow, where KG sampled the local delicacy, the Bîg Mæć, and Mikey decided to bring back a fortnight long hangover and become Denis Bergkamp for a bit.

So, anyway, that's about it for now. It's the summer though, eh? So surely we'll be up to summat, filmed in glorious HD by Mikey to go on here or on Youtube or whatever. 

Also, coming soon (too soon) - 30.

Friday, April 10

The Best Song For Ages

Yeah, I know it doesn't fit, but I DON'T CARE because it's THAT GOOD.

Tuesday, March 24

The Appliance of Science

'Boffins come up with the formula for the perfect penalty' raves today's Sun. Let's have a look shall we?

"The SHOT should be 65mph or more."
As I remember, the hardest shot in the Premier League ever was about 85-ish mph, so a 65mph shot would be a fair old whack, wouldn't it?
"This requires a RUN-UP of five to six paces, commencing from the edge of the 18-yard line — approaching the ball at an ANGLE of 20 to 30 degrees."
Yeah OK, so don't bother with Roberto Carlos style 50 yard run ups, you'll be knackered when you get there. Also, don't run straight at the ball, unless you are a genius who can strike the ball with both feet simultaneously.
"And it must CROSS the goal line at exactly 0.5m below crossbar and 0.5m inside either post."
Yeah, like in the top corner then?
"Researchers say the formula promises 100 PERCENT SUCCESS."
Great! So blasting the ball with one foot into the top corner guarantees a goal from a penalty!

Who would have thought it?

Thursday, March 19


Monday, March 2

Best Satda For Literally Ages

Not shown in the clip: KG wrestling a viking after Tuncay's goal.

Sunday, February 22

Great Days

This basically encapsulates that part of my life when I was the world could be whatever I wanted it to be, summer was hot and sweaty, and I was young and free. I'd just left school, exam results weren't in yet so the near future wasn't really defined and I was in full swing of 9-ish weeks off before college started.

This is my defining memory of that summer. Supergrass sweating their way through 'She's So Loose' at Glastonbury, when Britpop was still on the up. It makes me go all tingly inside.

Hippo Bathday!

It's Mikey's birthday! He's 26 today!

However, all is not sweetness and light. His wisdom teeth have decided to impact against his other teeth, which in hindsight doesn't seem very wise at all. He's fighting back though, with his strict Bonjela/Fosters/maltesers diet.

Get well soon!

Friday, February 20


KG (remember him?) messaged me on Facebook, with news of a cricket high score on this. I told him I had 250+ compared with his 150-odd. He instantly went offline. So, er, have a bash, watch your googlies and try not to clip your stump with your ball. 250 to beat. GO!

Then, once your patience has been exhausted, go here and play this. Track and Field for autistics, basically. No high scores, just actually getting anywhere will command the utmost respect.

Monday, February 16

Well Held Son!

Of course, if he touches his foot outside the rope with ball in hand it's a six.

The Beatles

Great list of Beatles tunes and a bloke has ranked them from the worst to the best...in his opinion. I disagree with pretty much all of the first page. Especially Honey Pie second bottom - what the hell!?


Mass Debate: Best Player Ever

Inspired by the BBC's Tim Vickery posting on the BBC Football blog.


Who's yours?

My pick is coming soon.

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